Comments by "Jeremy" (@josiah5776) on "Philippines Life. I Married You Not Your Family. They Always Want MORE" video.

  1. I'm married to a Filipina and live in the Philippines. I don't experience this sort of exploitation. Her family treats me with respect an they are a great help to me in local matters. Most of the people in her community also respect me and treat me kindly, including the mayor and barangay captain. Yes, the Philippines is very, very family oriented. If you want a traditional woman, she will be close to her family. If you want an independent woman, most of them come with a more liberal mindset. I went in knowing this and planned accordingly. Whatever I used to give to the church (who mostly spent it corruptly), I give to her family. It's money I would give anyway ... except now I know it goes to people who can really use it. It is a fixed amount, no more. Yes, the are very poor, but they don't ask for more or pressure me. They didn't get angry the few times I told them no, when we were first setting boundaries. Anything more, I just say that it's not in my budget for the month and I don't have the money. I experienced more gouging and freeloading attempts from my Latina girlfriend in El Paso decades ago than I do here. It is a people issue, more than a culture issue. The culture here does enable it, but it is a certain type of people who take advantage of it. Character, not culture. One very important thing is that I do NOT do is pay anything for the extended family. It is my wife's parents and their siblings only. I drew the line there. If the rest want money, it comes out of what I give to the immediate family. That stopped things very fast. My wife supports me and has my back 100%. She's also a thrifty woman. No name brand stuff and she calls out purchases that are too expensive, even by Philippines standards. I will say again, her family is of huge help to me ... preventing people from trying to gouge me, expediting administrative stuff through who they know, repairs, help at home, all kinds of stuff. They threw a huge birthday party for my daughter (who I brought with me from the US). If you live in a barangay where all the extended family lives, you can expect problems and drama, unless your wife is very, very strong in blocking it. My wife's father even told me, "If you have problems with extended family, move to another island. Your marriage is the most important thing." My wife's extended family lives on other islands, which is intentional on her parent's part to avoid problems. A LOT of expats here lead with their wallets and get used. Especially if they hook up with a mercenary woman or family. Not all families are like the one I married into. Locals will try to gouge you with a "long nose tax" because they feel you can pay it. Many do feel you have unlimited finances. It's a poor country and some people are desperate. My wife's family has protected me from that more times than I can count. Her parents have helped us with major purchases, spotting the gouging and even calling out the seller to lower it to a fair price. They don't have the jealousy issues of which this guy speaks. They are kind, appreciative and helpful people. They thank me so many times that I feel embarrassed about it. Your mileage will vary based on the character of your wife and her family. A few important things: - Don't lead with your wallet - If you want to help them, set a fixed amount and give no more - Stick to immediate family only and don't bend on that rule - Learn to say no. You can do it nicely. "I don't have the money right now" works very well for me.
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  2.  @boston312  Good one.
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