Comments by "FuzzyPanda16" (@fuzzypanda1684) on "Cole Hastings"
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If it makes you feel any better, I've been a gym rat for years as well, and have built a very aesthetic physique. I'm 5'9", have an attractive face, a full head of hair, and am very outgoing and charismatic. Yet I also get no interest from girls whatsoever. They give me initial signs of interest when we first talk, but without failure, the next time we see each other, they avoid me.
I kept the hope alive for many years, but recently have given up hope. But I'm not drinking myself silly at a bar every night, that's too expensive. It's much cheaper to drink yourself silly at home. And when you know there's virtually zero chance you would have picked up a girl if you had gone out, it's clearly the better choice.
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@nomad6086 I'm not trolling, and I know it makes no sense, I get told all the time that I'm lying because what I say is impossible. That's why it's so frustrating and pisses me off so much, because it doesn't make any sense.
I almost always approach, I very rarely get approached. Most girls seem to be intimidated by me, I'll catch them checking me out, and they immediately look away. I'll approach them and I can tell that they're nervous.
They usually give lots of IOI's initially, smiling, giggling, hair twirling etc., but no matter how good it goes, the next time we see each other they avoid me.
As for dating apps, I used to be on them, but at the end I only got 4 dates in 6 months and 3 of them ghosted or didn't show, so I deleted them.
I wish I was making this up man, I really do.
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I've been a gym rat for years and the best advice I can give is don't even come home after work, go STRAIGHT to the gym. Have your gym clothes in your bag, get in your car and drive to the gym. Don't think "should I go to the gym today?" Just go. Same as you went to work. You didn't think about whether you should go to work, you just went. Treat the gym the same way.
Before long, going to the gym after work becomes part of your routine and MUCH easier to maintain.
The second best advice I can give is to meal prep. Prep your meals as much as possible on your day off, or at least the night before. That way, in the morning, you have no excuse, your food is already in the fridge, in Tupperware, and in a bag. All you have to do is grab it.
Removing excuses is the best way to stay consistent with the gym.
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There needs to be a pill for when you've decided to focus on yourself and then, after years of constant effort, successfully become an attractive, in shape, charismatic, outgoing guy, yet still fail miserably with women across the board. It's the same pain as going to school, studying hard while working a crappy job, graduate with good grades and honors...only to still be working at that crappy job a year later because every job application you sent out gets no reply.
Investing is supposed to yield results, especially when you successfully obtain high level assets like getting into great shape or pushing yourself until you actually enjoy socializing and approaching new people. Failing in light of that is a special kind of pain. I think I'll invent it and call it the "why does the universe do everything it can to stop me from achieving any amount of happiness?" pill.
Yeah it's a bit long, I'll work on the title.
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I wish more women were like you. It's incredibly frustrating when you do all of these things: get into great shape, adopt a clean diet, work on your social skills, push yourself out of your comfort zone, make yourself talk to that girl you're interested in....yet get terrible results anyway.
The depression I felt when I was an out of shape, shy, introverted guy who did poorly with women is NOTHING compared to the depression I feel now that I'm in great shape, outgoing, charismatic, and routinely put myself out there and approach women, yet get the exact same results as before.
When you fail just as hard after working for years to become the best version of yourself...it's hard to draw any conclusion other than any version of you isn't good enough.
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Hey, wait a minute...there's no place called Timidithia is there?? All jokes aside, I think the worst thing that can happen to you is when you make conscious and deliberate efforts to build your confidence, workout regularly, eat healthy, speak your mind, listen to people and respond honestly, and go after what you want...only to get repeatedly roadblocked, stopped, knocked down, cast out and otherwise rendered unable to achieve any of the things you want.
Many years ago a manager of mine told me "the nail that sticks up get hammered down", and that I should stop trying to stand out and overperform and just blend in. I didn't listen to him because while I knew that dedicating myself to performing at a higher level and holding myself to a higher standard would bring negative attention from the haters, I also thought there would be benefits as well.
Unfortunately, in my case, it was all negative reactions and results without any of the positive ones. It's too late for me to go back, I'll continue to stand out physically, in terms of personality and by not censoring myself, but the benefits that usually go along with such dedication will not be mine to reap.
I guess what I'm saying is, be sure you know what difficulty setting your life is on before taking risky actions.
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Millennial pushing 40 here. I can absolutely confirm that your anxiety about never getting what you want, not fitting in, and being a loser is not a baseless one. In fact, unless my experience is entirely unique, you can be ambitious, driven, smart, always learning new skills, delete social media, reject vapid consumer garbage, focus on self improvement... yet somehow fail miserably in every area of life.
Most people won't though. You'll watch the girl that wanted nothing to do with you hook up with the guy who's in far worse shape and less attractive than you, watch the guy who did worse in school than you, screws around half the time at work, and has no drive get promoted above you, then watch as you're the one to get let go.
Friends who you love but know aren't the brightest bulbs have phenomenal job opportunities fall into their lap, old co-workers who showed up late and high every day are somehow doing far better than you. A friend with less experience and fewer qualifications applies for a job that you got no response from yet they're invited in for an interview and get the job. In the end, you realize that everyone you know is doing far, far better than you.
When we're born, we all have our life's difficulty settings set. Most people are on "Normal", a few lucky people are on "Easy", but if yours is set to "Hard", or even worse, "Nightmare", all of your anxiety is justified. I thought for years that if I just kept trying, kept working, kept improving, things would work out. Never make that assumption, because sometimes, things don't work out.
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Am I the only one who looks around and sees nothing but people driving nice cars, happy couples, people getting promoted at work or getting better and better jobs, and everyone else in general getting success and living good lives, yet still complaining about it. Meanwhile you're like...I can't get a job, can't get a date, don't have friends, and my entire life for a long time either goes sideways or down, and everything I do to try and make it better just makes it worse?
Seriously, I know people who have good jobs, nice cars, get laid whenever they want, but they act like they're part of the oppressed masses for whom life is bleak and empty. It's like, try spending a week in my life, you'll shoot yourself before Wednesday.
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The LOA is absolute BS. I spent YEARS believing in it. I did daily affirmations, visualizations, and meditated everyday. I even had a vision board. I psyched myself up into not only believing that I had already achieved what I wanted, but actually FELT as though I had. I was extremely positive and outgoing, probably to the point where I annoyed people with my endless positive energy. When things failed or didn't work, I shrugged and kept on keepin' on because I KNEW what my future held. And yes, I did actually go out and take actions that would lead to the results I wanted, I didn't just wish them.
But after several years, it became apparent that I wasn't getting anywhere, in fact things seemed to have gotten worse. Eventually I became unable to meditate, visualize or do affirmations because the entire time my mind would be saying things like "dude, it's been 3 years and none of this has worked, how can you continue to believe that you're an awesome guy who has the girl and job of your dreams when clearly you're getting nowhere with them?"
It's a spiral, success leads to an upward spiral because you see results and realize wow, I CAN do this! But negative results lead to a downward spiral because you think, no matter what I do, it ends poorly.
Cole got his results in less than a year after committing to the LOA, but I'd like to see how he would have felt, or if he'd be able to keep it up, if 3 years had passed and still nothing. I mean, he said @7:19 "FINALLY after a month..." Yeah, try 36x that long and see how you feel.
RESULTS are the difference between people who believe in the LOA and those who don't, and trust me, try doing it for several years, putting in tons of effort, putting yourself out there, and getting no results. That kind of ** outcome will break anyone.
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I was very disciplined for many years, and in many ways still am. I still maintain a very strict and healthy diet, still go to the gym 5 days a week, still do my skin care routine every night, still talk to people and approach people on a regular basis to keep up my charisma and confidence, and it's given me the results you'd expect. I have a top tier physique that wouldn't be out of place in a Baywatch film, look 10 years younger than I am, and can approach people and get them laughing with ease.
However, I don't get the end results you'd expect. I can't get a date because any girl I'm interested in wants nothing to do with me. I can't get a job interview or make any solid connections or job prospects despite mingling in conventions and having a useful degree along with multiple certifications.
I spend every night alone, wondering how many other guys with 6 pack abs, 17 inch arms, charisma and energy to spare spend every night alone because they cannot get a girl interested in them and cannot get a job.
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This guy is 25 and vastly more successful than I will ever be in my late 30's. I don't know what it is about watching incredibly successful people talk about how hard life is that makes me want to watch. I guess because it's funny to me?
I also must disagree that if you feel alone, you're not, that there are many other people going through the same thing. If that's the case, please show me the community of guys who have devoted thousands of hours transforming themselves from a shy, insecure, skinny, and socially inept guy into a guy with a top tier physique, complete with 17 inch arms and a 6 pack. The guys who have spent just as much time learning and practicing social skills until successfully becoming an outgoing, charismatic, confident guy. Please show me the legions of guys who have successfully done this, yet still cannot get a date, get a girl to reply to a text, and get rejected at a crazily high rate.
Sure, there are lots of guys who struggle with women. I've met many. And 99% of them are overweight, socially awkward and have a high chance of sporting a neck beard. How many jacked, confident, charismatic guys have I met who struggle in the same way? Just one. And I see him every day I look in the mirror.
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Appreciate it, but I sleep 8-10 hours a night, exercise 5 days a week, have a very healthy and strict diet, hang around with people younger than me who are very optimistic, and try to consume positive media.
All it does is make me feel WORSE about myself since I'm doing all of these things, yet somehow getting worse results than the guy who's doing the exact opposite of all of these.
I'm literally the guy who goes to the bar with 6 pack abs, a confident attitude and is focused on having fun, and somehow loses a girl to the fat, dumpy guy hiding in the corner clutching a beer to his chest and is paralyzed with fear.
Of course, I also understand my results are far from typical, I've accepted that the universe hates me, I just need to understand why.
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In general, having a clean diet, working out regularly and avoiding porn will greatly benefit men in many areas, including testosterone, ability to stay hard, ability to attract women, and overall confidence and likeability. However, that doesn't mean doing these things will get you these results.
I had trouble staying hard pretty much from when I started sleeping with girls. It was always a gamble if I could stay hard, and as time went on and I became anxious about it, I pretty much was unable to perform 100% of the time.
So I started hitting the gym, got my diet under control, and generally sought to improve myself overall.
Fast forward a number of years and I was unrecognizable. I was outgoing, charismatic, confident, I had the physique of Captain America and had a very clean diet. However, it was hard to me to know if I could get it up because women were less interested in me that ever. I struggled to get a date, and getting a girl to actually show real interest was near impossible. No matter what I did, I was alone every single night.
All I'm saying is, you can do all the things that SHOULD get you great results, but if the universe hates you, you can improve yourself all you want, you're not getting the results you want.
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People overcomplicate things, but It's pretty simple. In life, if you're getting at least SOME successes, you can be happy and keep moving forward if you choose to. If you have many successes, or a high rate of success, you can definitely be happy and continue unless you compare yourself to the hyper successful people who have absurdly good luck with opportunities falling into their laps, and for whom everything seems to go right.
However, if you have no successes, or an extremely low success rate, say well below 1%, it becomes very difficult to be happy or continue on. Especially if you've done what you can to set yourself up for success and make sure you have acquired the skills and knowledge to be relatively successful, have put in the time and effort, yet continue to have very, very few successes, if any.
That will eventually break just about anybody.
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