Comments by "p11" (@porky1118) on "HealthyGamerGG"
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14:35 I also thought about that for a bit.
Even if you break up with someone, they will eventually find someone else.
And in order to find someone else, and then also stay in that relationship for some time, they probably have to improve.
It's like multiple persons find partners, which are just fine, but have some problems. Then they are exchanged, and now everyone has partners, who are better, at least most of them.
So why can't my partner just change to the better while still being in a relationship with me?
Because they have to learn that a relationship is something you could lose.
You can lose your partner forever.
So even if you improve as a person, and go back to the same partner, you won't really realize how much you can lose by messing up.
And as long as one hasn't experienced that, they might not be able to make some real effort.
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3:00 The task I'm currently doing is writing, which most of the is easier than most other tasks I'd do (programming, drawing, creating 3D characters)
And I write multiple stories at once, so if I don't know further in one story, I just switch to another one. I always choose the one I'm most motivated in or where I know clearly how to progress.
So whenever I get an idea, I write it down as exactly as it's currently in my mind. When I'm motivated I think of a general plan on what should happen in some specific story.
When I'm not that motivated, I write stories, which I already wrote down in an abstract way before.
When I'm not motilated at all, I just proofread existing stories and mark them an finished.
Each accomplished task keeps my motivation going or even increases it, so it never stops completely.
I have a overcomplicated system to manage all this, which sometimes forces me to focus on another story, which motivates me even more to write more stories. I have to continue writing stories, I started, in order to be allowed to start new stories. And I have to start writing new stories or continue short stories in order to be allowed to continue existing stories.
I even wrote a small program to show me how many stories are allowed to be started and how scenes each story is allowed to have by now.
So when I actively forbid myself to write something I want, I want to write it all the more. Usually I would just start writing that and realize it's too difficult, and motivation goes down.
What now happens instead, I write what I'm not that motivated in, in order to be able to write again what I really want to write. This way the motivation doesn't go down when it's difficult.
I write other stories which I also want to get out there, the motivation to write the stories I really want to grows and grows and I get new ideas. So when I'm allowed to write it again, the motivation is usually higher.
Or sometimes I'm still more motivated to continue writing the other story which is not allowed anymore, and only write it in order to be able to write other stories.
And I have different systems which encourage me to write more.
The more I have written in advance, the more I'm allowed to publish. I'm not allowed to just publish everything just after I finished.
And I'm only allowed to publish scenes of the story which has the most stories written in advance, so if I want to publish a specific scene as soon as possible, I also have to continue writing that specific story.
It sounds unneccessary, but it works pretty well.
And this way I'll be getting all interesting ideas I ever had, out without having to finish anything.
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When I found out you could create video games yourself, I knew I wanted to do that.
Even long before, when I was still in Kindergarten I already started to draw some game maps on papers, which I let family members "play" (they had to move their fingers along the paper; inspired by Zelda guides, where I "played" the game the same way, when I didn't play it for real).
I also played stories inspired by Mario and Zelda when outside. Some of my adventures had some interesting concepts, like all the boss rooms became part of the boss tower.
So after finding out, I thought about how games would work internally. And it didn't seem too difficult. What would you have to tell some computer if a character jumps into water? It just switches controls if the character is below the surface.
And when in school, I started programming (I didn't learn much of the programming in school itself, mostly at home).
First Game Maker for some years, then I experimented using popular languages like Java (which we had to learn at school), C++ and Go, then I stuck with Common lisp for a few years, which is where I probably learnt the most, and then I stopped losing interest because it's inefficient by default, and had another phase of trying and learning a lot of programming languages, until I got into Rust, which I now use for most of my private projects.
At the end of my Lisp phase, I also became kind of depressed and didn't see a reason in gamedev anymore. Games could never be as accurate as reality.
Also because of being in university and some personal identity problems and some unhealthy lifestyle.
Besides that, I work as a game developer now using Unity, which I never used in private before :)
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8:00 When I talk to people anonymously online, I already do it that way.
I don't know them, I don't really care about them.
Not sure, if I really had a conversation about that specific topic.
But I'd probably say something like that:
"Yeah, you're right. There is no purpose in life. So suicide sounds like an easy way out. I also kind of thought about suicide some time ago. But I didn't really see a reason. I can also just wait until I die. Life isn't that bad, and nowadays I'm even pretty happy. If I really considered killing myself, I'd rather just try dangerous stuff, I wouldn't normally do, maybe dangerous stuff, which could kill me, or criminal stuff or talking to women in public..."
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20:30 Doesn't work for me like this. If there is a small task, I'm not really motivated to do it.
I just think "It's so easy to do that. I could also do it tomorrow.", "I don't have to clean my room up now, I will have to do it tomorrow again anyway.", "I was planning only 20 push ups per week. And it's Moday. I still have some days left. And 20 per week won't affect me anyway.", "I could finish writing my tool now, but I don't even know what I will do then, so I'll just ".
The task needs to be huge enough to get me motivated. And when I'm motivated, it will not just be a side task, but my main task for that day. I want to finish it, no matter what.
I have to think, it's difficult to get it done, but it should be possible this day/week/month. But in order to finish it, I first have to do this and that and whatever.
So I start working, I want to finish it, since I know, I won't when I stop once. I do the first step, the second step, and after some time I realize, I can't do it, it's not worth it, my motivation is suddenly gone.
But suddenly my room is mostly clean, and I reordered a few things, even if I didn't get to move my furniture around.
Suddenly I'm pretty muscular, even if I only fulfilled half of the intended training I planned.
I finished writing some tools and libraries which I can be used for a lot of applications and learnt a few libraries and programming techniques, even if I didn't finish creating the program I originally intended.
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9:35 I see where this is going. I've been pretty shy, and my mom took a lot of responsibility of things.
I still gave my presents to the other person myself, but she always bought it, most of the time without my involvement.
Sometimes I prepared something myself, but she still gave the inspiration.
Nowadays, when there is a birthday, I don't really care if I have a gift. If I think of it, I tell someone to buy me something. If there's nobody who buys me something, I might buy something myself, but if I'm not forced by someone else or didn't make a clear promise, I won't buy something.
And that doesn't only apply to birthdays. I got most of my friends because my mom invited them. I didn't find friends in Kindergarten by myself. I was just walking around and counting up to 100 until the time was up and I could go home again.
And nowadays, most of the time I hope other people to do stuff. If someone expects something from me, I might do it. But I almost never do anything I'm not really into by myself. It's even difficult for me to do things I want.
But why just me? My brothers are not like this. At least one of them. Not sure about the other one yet.
I assume because I've been shy and my brothers haven't been.
Even if I'm not shy anymore, my parents probably did more things for me because I was.
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I have a similar problem.
I don't even write that often. Maybe once a month or less often. And only a few sentences, maybe up to three per message.
You can't be so busy to not even answer a message once per month, can you?
Maybe she didn't see it, because I don't use her main messaging tool, when I wrote the message, maybe she saw it but was tired and then forgot about it, maybe she misinterpreted something I wrote, since my messages are short and when reading something it's difficult to get the intention (if something is meant to be a joke or something serious), and so gets skeptical about me (probably an unreasonable fear. She knows, how I am in person).
Or maybe she is lying, when she says, she likes our meetings.
I also kind of have the fear, she has some issues with really doing what she wants.
She often does things, she doesn't really want, because she feels obligated to do things, other people seem to expect from her.
So I'm not sure, if she would like to meet more often, if she wasn't so busy, or if she just meets me because she feels obligated to after having a few nice meetings some years ago.
And now she tries to stop our contact without hurting me or getting into a difficult situation herself?
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@zeropolicy7456 No problem. I also tend to write pretty long posts sometimes :)
And I totally agree. I especially like that you take evolution into account. Most people just seem to have no idea what evolution practically means.
I think, that's also the reason why most important discoveries are done by men.
Even if having a companion might help to stay motivated, not having a companion might be a motivation to create something great, so people will pay attention to me.
That's probably doesn't really help for finding a woman as a man. Having some goal is probably enough.
Women don't have to be successful to find a man. If they look only slightly good, they have almost free choice.
I'm also pretty good to stay motivated for some time without a companion if I think it's worth it. But if I work on some project for months, some program I think to be useful, and then I post it somewhere, it can be pretty frustrating if not a single person really cares.
My current hobby, writing short continuation stories and posting them, works better. Even if there's not a lot of feedback, I know that most of my stories are read by multiple persons.
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I can relate to this guy.
I don't have many friends, and when I talk to people online, they also often stop anwering me, if they answer at all.
But not because I'm too boring, but probably because I'm too interesting, or rather too special.
Most people are normal and often boring, and they are not interested in more specific topics like math, politics, programming, languages, or whatever.
Maybe I'm kind of boring about these less interesting topics. No idea how to smalltalk properly, etc.
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The title already sounds interesting. I also felt some kind of existential dread since I'm somewhere between 5 and 10.
The first time when seeing the stars in the background of Zelda 3 on the mountain.
I thought things like „What if the world didn't exist? Why does anything exist at all?“ and since then had many sleepless nights.
Questions like that scared me so much, I almost felt like I left my own and wanted this all to be a dream, but I knew it wasn't and even if it was a dream, it was a fact about reality I could not deny.
And shortly after that moment, I was exhausted and I just felt nothing about it for some time. I often didn't even know, what the problem was, after the feeling was gone.
I didn't have it often. Only every few months mostly. Sometimes I thought, it's gone, but it just came back a few months later when thinking about questions like this.
I never tried to avoid to think about such stuff, when it was in my mind. I never suppress any feelings and just lock them away, if I have a choice.
It's just a problem, and I had to find a solution.
But now I really think, I'm over it. I didn't have it for some years already, I guess. And the last few times, I had it, wasn't as bad. I started to like this fear. Like a weird fetish.
I think, my rational site has taken control over me (I turned from INFP to INTP), maybe also to protect me from thoughts like this?
Rationally there is no real problem. It's purely emotional, so why even care?
No idea, if the video is even about this topic :P
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