Comments by "Lil Weasel ♡" (@lil_weasel219) on "ContraPoints"
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The "Jealousy" vs "envy" that you describe are actually called "benign envy" and "malicious envy" in academic literature.
Otherwise, envy and jealously are used differently seemingly by area, and have been used differently depending on the time period.
EDIT; And as an additional note, I'd say there's a third type too. I was emotionally abused as a child and teen, And when I see other people being affectionate and happy with their families, I experience extreme pain. That doesn't mean I want them to lose their families or anything, But it does cause me a lot of pain and yet there is no potential for resolution (improvement). This gives rise to despair, especially if you fail to create a new family in friends, like i failed to.
One might name this a different term than envy, but really theres no sense in that, because the only thing that differs compared to benign envy is the potential for resolution.
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The scene where tiffany is crying made me cry the first time.
Then after that, the music and all made it have a kind of tragicomical feel to it. Now its back to very sad, and HIGHLY relatable (despite me not being a trans-person). The self loathing and so on something I too struggle with immensely. Im a 22 yo cis femme lesbian, who is likely also mildly autistic.
I too regularly have thoughts like "I'm gonna save up to have work done and then everything is gonna be fine", and "who could ever love this". At this point not only every day, but every hour, and often, minute. The things that define me in my head are Im socially inept, im cringe and im potato face. Idk thats just how it be. I have an extremely attractive body but I'm too insecure to show it because of the contrast with my face, as I see it.
I was bullied a lot as a kid and teen, for various reasons (one of them was a gender nonconforming phase at 10-12, where I was called Male all the time) and it scarred me for life. I stare at the ground when walking down the street, and cant look people in the eyes because of it.
I also relate a lot to your feeling of having failed at womanhood (And in my case, additionally, at adulthood too)
this will likely only serve as an algorithm boost for you, as no one is gonna see this to begin with, but hey, given that i wrote it already, I might as well just post it.
EDIT; the suspected mild ASD has been confirned. A few months after this was posted i finally found the only centre in my country that evaluates adults, and i am now diagnosed.
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