Comments by "Widdekuu91" (@Widdekuu91) on "Daily Dose Of Internet"
channel.
-
11
-
10
-
10
-
10
-
10
-
10
-
@mastermindhunter
She cried because she was bothered her mom was holding it up in front of her.
She got jealous, she's a small child. It was like a 'cute hamster' and mom had it, but it then turned nasty.
And since mother still held it and didn't seem to mind the scary noises coming out of it, her trust in mom's judgement started to shrink.
So she slapped it (not too hard, as she was probably taught slapping is not okay) but then the mom kept filming.
And when she cried out, she hoped mom would instinctively respond and "care for her" (cry for attention) but mom kept filming.
And then the hamster cried/laughed and at that point her trust in mom's judgement was gone and she cried for real and got scared.
Source; I work with kids. There is some logic in them, but in a lot of ways, they behave like very sensitive and vindictive animals.
Until they turn 4, which is when you can speak with them, have fun, make jokes, surprise them, they want to help you and they're great.
But before they turn 4, they are testing boundaries and communicate in noises (even if they can speak) and if you talk to them too harshly, you'll seriously scar them for life.
And if you don't tell them to stop, you create a very annoying child that'll scream until it gets what it wants, because it was taught that's how life works.
10
-
10
-
9
-
9
-
9
-
9
-
9
-
9
-
8
-
8
-
8
-
8
-
8
-
8
-
Exactly, guilting the child into being grateful and there always being a 'catch' if you get something* or are allowed something fun. Manipulation, no love without having to earn it first. And taking it away immediately (by silent treatment or otherwise punishment and telling the child you are dissapointed in them) by the slightest mistake they make.
(That last one will teach them that it is better to not-try than to try and fail. You create people depending on outside-praise and not on inside-confidence. They will not be able to handle critique well, they will panic if they are not the teacher's pet and will ask for validation from authority-figures and not believe in themselves when nobody (seems to) believe in them.
* I knew a friend that had a mother and father like this. They would buy him a new toy, when he was a child and within 10-20 minutes, the reason would become clear. Whether they wanted him to cut his hair, change something about his body, his life, his friends, etc. If not, the toy would be taken away again. His parents taught him that only the sun rises for nothing, the rest you need to 'pay for.'
As a result, when he was an adult, every birthday he would anxiously wait (sometimes verbally ask if it took too long and he couldn't take the pressure anymore) what the catch was, because he did not trust me to give a gift like that, without expecting things in return.
Often he would destroy a gift (like socks, that immediately ended up in the dryer and couldn't be worn anymore) or he would hide it away in a box or cabinet, because it just gave him too much stress. I loved gifting gifts and he would just scream; 'I feel guilty already, I don't want this! I would have rather received nothing, I am already panicking about what I need to gift you!' (Simultaniously, what he gifted was somehow always something he took back as well, like a bottle of alcohol that he then secretly drank or a book that he refused to let me take home or a kitchenscale for my new kitchen that he wanted to keep. I don't know, it was always a gift that I literally was not allowed to take home, after he purchased it for me. I'm guessing that issue had the same origins in his life.) @3nertia
8
-
8
-
7
-
7
-
7
-
7
-
7
-
7
-
7
-
7
-
Also, the dog that didn't want to release the bone, needs to be trained. You need to switch the bone to something else, then teach him that he has to trade voluntarily, thén teach him that giving it will give him the treat, etc.
After a while, he will voluntarily give you the bone, even without a treat. The method she is using, is something I witnessed when I was on holiday 2 weeks ago. Two dogs, one tried to take the ball away...that ended in screaming, barking and some blood. Take the right steps when your dog is unable to share his stuff with you, you are the boss, if you don't act like a boss, he'll assume you want him to be the boss.
7
-
6
-
6
-
6
-
6
-
@mastermindhunter
Ooohh no problem. I had the same thing, I mean...I studied cognitive/social/etc. behaviour for 3 years and only then did I start to understand children a bit.
And many people mistake that for "loving all the kids' or 'liking all the kids' and that's not what I do haha. I love kids in general, but I don't love all the kids.
People always ask me to sit at the kid's table at parties and weddings. Awful. Especially if the kids are bored and start acting out and then I need to provide entertainment.
I mean, I'm not a free clown haha and it takes all my energy to entertain them for a few minutes, until they get bored again.
But I do like the way children (above 4!) communicate. And it helps that I understand them a bit.
There are kids that can be seen acting out because they're young, like when she hit the hamster.
That's an understandable act, but still annoying, even when you understand. What if a vase has recieved too much attention, youknow?
She would've broken it ánd cried about it then. So as a parent or supervisor, you'd have to think ahead and pick the vase up before the child would hit or get upset.
And as I said, before they turn 4, they're often upset and communicate in crying and whining. Or test the boundaries and yell; 'I'm dying!" to see if you show up.
Crying wolf used to be the hobby of my across-the-street-neighbourkid and he was good at it. Constantly yelled; 'I'm bleeding, aaaahh!' and I'd come running, because I wouldn't forgive myself if it really was true. The mother was trying to ignore it, I don't know, I couldn't differentiate between his actual screams of pain and fake ones.
And another kid was really young and if he got scared, he'd lose his mind and just wrestle anyone away from him.
He'd hit and kick and push and scream and cry and there was no way to communicate anymore. If you picked him up, he'd bite your arm and hand and kick you in the stomach.
That was just sad, because that meant he felt vulnerable and scared, this was not plain aggression, this was fear. I'd usually pick him up, walk around with him in the garden and sing/talk until he felt better and would usually apologize on his own.
There's no need to talk harsh or put him in the hallway, he won't learn from that. Later it turned out that kid was autistic and he went to a special school after that. It's been 7 years, so he'll be in his early teens now.
Another reason to act out is because they are severely troubled. For me, that's not always easy to recognize, but usually meeting the parents or friends gives me more info.
I once worked with a child that was seen as the most violent boy, teasing other kids, but when I met the father of the boy, I understood how this happened.
The father was hard, unforgiving and thought nothing good of his son. Even when I praised him, he waved away the compliment and said he was good for nothing.
So, those kids are nice and friendly once they are playing by themselves or with friends that they trust. You can't always help them in that situation, I wish I could.
I did talk to him about it once, but he walked off and said he was okay. He didn't like talking about it. I was 're-placed in another group' before I could help him.
One child got bullied once and bullied some innocent kids in return.
I walked up to his playhouse, to talk about it. But he hadn't seen me coming, so it 'surprised' him, he screamed, ducked down, got a big wooden stick from the floor and 'stabbed' me right in the face with it. And then panicked and spat in my face before he ran off. Coincidentally, his mom was there to pick him up from the afterschool-daycare.
I picked him up (he screamed and tried kicking me) and we waited until his mom came running over. And she explained what had happened and he apologized and they changed schools, so the next time I saw him, he felt much better and safer.
I will not go gentle on them if they bully others, don't get me wrong, but they don't 'spark animosity' when I see them, like the next group does, sometimes.
And the next group is kids that learned it gets them attention.
100% the parents fault and the kids should not be punished for that. So I try to be gentle (but very clear) in boundaries when they start acting out and screaming.
But it really makes my blood boil sometimes. There was a girl that wanted to sing once and she had already sung three songs.
Another kid was on the floor, crying, because she fell. We were helping the second one, when the first girl got angry and said; 'LISTEN, I'M SINGING!'
She yanked me away from the crying girl and when I refused to listen, she stepped onto the dinnertable in between the plates and started screaming loudly.
I said; 'STOP IT NOW!' and she stared me in the eyes and continued louder. She was about 5, but the anger that I felt, scared me. I would never hit a kid, don't worry, but I never experienced the thought itself coming up. And the thought came into my head, when she did that, which is what frightened me, a lot.
So I picked her up, put her down on the floor and told her to sit in the hallway and wait. Which is when she burst into tears of disappointment and my anger changed into anger towards the parents.
I don't know why I shared all of that, haha. You don't have to read all of it, don't worry. Maybe I kindof wrote it down for myself.
6
-
6
-
5
-
5
-
5
-
5
-
5
-
5
-
5
-
5
-
5
-
5
-
5
-
5
-
5