Comments by "Gilad Barlev" (@GSBarlev) on "The Onion" channel.

  1. Y'all asking why she didn't just go to another state before putting down the basketball don't understand—that's called traveling.
    1800
  2. I can't believe how she's glossing over the downsides: do you know how much it costs to store this amount of data? Sure, it's all well and good for the huge companies with their acres of NAS servers and light-years of magnetic tape, but spare a thought to the mom & pop data harvester whose entire revenue gets eaten up by the cost of renting cloud storage. 😢
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  3. This town isn't quite as progressive as they would have you believe—I suggested Goudadelphia, but the mayor is clearly lactose intolerant.
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  4. I'm doing my part! I've been running a shelter for unhoused scooters out of my basement for years. Sometimes people come knocking on my door looking for them, but my attitude is that, after that level of abuse and neglect, it would be unconscionable to return these scooters to the people who put them in those vulnerable positions in the first place.
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  5. Fun fact: The Onion earned several Pulitzer Prizes back in 2011. They weren't awarded any, but with the campaign they ran, they absolutely deserved at least three.
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  6. The Onion predicted multi-modal generative AI by almost a decade. Mad respect.
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  7. I remember the days when I thought you were sick if you had five tabs open. Now I just try to avoid the dreaded "99+" on my phone's browser...
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  8. He's a nutcase. Not that there's any such thing as "nuts."
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  9. Good memory. Oct 19, 2008: "John McCain Accidentally Left On Campaign Bus Overnight"
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  10. I was so excited for the return of the old format that I totally forgot what made that old format great!
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  11. This is a reupload from 2016. It must be, because this guy died penniless and alone in June 2020. Nice, uplifting story, really.
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  12. So there's this trick that physicists and mathematicians have perfected. Yes, your research may be extremely niche, but there's literally nothing from stopping you from going around and saying, "Really, the whole world behaves just like this fungus (if you make the right simplifications)."
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  13. Another channel would have said something about how the Klan did Nazi this coming and that it is, to be fair, hard to see out of those hoods.
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  14. They had one for, I think, two seasons on IFC. It was brilliant.
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  15. In 2010 or 2023 it's still the most DC thing for elected officials to want to sink millions into a new transit project than actually fund the existing DC Metro and bus system.
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  16. Ugh. I liked The Onion before they got all political. What happened to their silly shorts with the AI generated voices talking over Subway Surfers footage? Go back to that. ...said no one ever.
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  17. Yeah, and the aguaje fruit she mentions at the end are real too...
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  18.  @lemastt  There's literally a FB post from Oct 27, 2016 with this video.
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  19. I do too, like it was three minutes ago. Because that's when I watched this video. Which was objectively brilliant.
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  20. Hello, fellow Casual Geographic enjoyer
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  21. Virginia continuing to rep the most Draconian driving laws in the country. Smdh
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  22. 0:40 Re: "A used Corolla" 2022: "Well ain't somebody getting ambitious"
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  23. Quick thinking. A lesser person would have panicked and knocked the screwdriver loose, slamming the two hemispheres of the demon core together. Happened to my buddy Lou Slotin. Dick and Rico kept telling him to stop tickling the dragon's tail but there was no getting through to him. Anyway, glad you made it out of that scene. As my advisor always told me, there are old topers and there are bold topers, but there are no old bold topers.
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  24. You know it's illegal to straight-up murder a US senator 🤣
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  25. The man's name is Miles Grose. I just looked him up on imdb and found his demo reel. This guy is a national treasure.
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  26. Tennessee GOP watching this in April 2023: "Well now there's someone talking sense."
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  27.  @andrewstone8396  Maybe you didn't in Internet Explorer, but Firefox has had tabs since 2001
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  28.  @2200Stinger  I realize I should feel attacked, but honestly the idea of following your advice has me visualizing Ron Livingston and his look of serenity at the end of Office Space
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  29. I'm just relieved that he fed the worms. I was really worried when he left in such a rush this morning...
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  30. I mean, what's not to like about Cory Chase? She served in the Army National Guard, she has a strong entrepreneurial spirit, clearly not afraid of some hard work, and—best of all—has a strong commitment to family values. She's a conservative's dream! I mean, a particular kind of dream.
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  31. "Should one meatball marinara really ruin your whole life?" Isn't it enough that it ruined your dress shirt and your digestive system??
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  32. Word, my Abrahamic brother. As a Jew I find this name-change highly problematic. I'm looking at moving to Baba-Ghanoushburg.
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  33. I miss the days of people commenting "I miss the old Onion." 😢 I hope the guy who read fake comments over Subway Surfers footage found a good home.
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  34. PSA—the "Sorry, mom, I'm Jewish" line weirdly doesn't work to get you out of Hannukkah. 🕎
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  35. This was pretty horrible. We all know what a hard a time monks have breeding in captivity.
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  36. FACTS. I know firsthand that every flight attendant is a certified firefighter.
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  37. I was not ready.
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  38. For those doubting this, yes, it was a Georgian woman, and she took down internet for all of Armenia. How a single individual could take down the internet for an entire country on the other side of the world just speaks to how deeply complex the modern Internet is. And yes, that's the joke.
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  39.  @MachineWashableKatie  lol, I thought you were making a processed meat joke
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  40. Yeah, it's a compilation.
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  41. At the same time, the House of Commons has institutionalized heckling and has occasionally broken out into literal brawls. Not saying you're wrong, just that the dissonance is hilarious.
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  42. ​ @ClunFunDun Agile Delivery Leads don't have nearly the power they once did, as the business world seems to be giving up on Scrum. More the shame...
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  43. Doesn't rule it out. Just explains why Mark Robinson is so religious.
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  44. The Onion Rings in a new era of journalistic excellence!
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  45. I do miss their bold, conservative takes like "Our Long National Nightmare Of Peace And Prosperity Is Finally Over," from Inauguration Day 2001; or "Embarrassed Republicans Admit They've Been Thinking Of Eisenhower Whole Time They've Been Praising Reagan."
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  46.  @fabianatrindade56  They adapted. The Onion today delivers the same cutting satire and absurdist wit that it did in 2011 or 1996, just in the current popular medium.
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  47. NEXT TIME HAVE THE STONES TO @ ME, AARON!
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  48. (it is like this—this is literally a compilation of their shorts)
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  49. Back when The Onion was exclusively a printed weekly paper that ran out of a few college campuses, I believe that each campus got to add its own stories. But I might be confusing it with a similar paper.
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  50. ​ @pulykamell They also had a multi-season show on IFC.
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