Comments by "Gilad Barlev" (@GSBarlev) on "The Onion" channel.

  1. I just hope Earth's magnetosphere is up to the task of deflecting that shower...
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  2.  @realrealqbok  I just want to be clear: are you actually here, arguing with sincerity, that giving consumers direct access to sub-critical masses of Plutonium is preferable to BEV electrification?
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  3. I had a few physics professors who devoted their lives to a sub-field, only for that field to get "solved" and their entire branch be rendered moot. Luckily, they all successfully pivoted to other specialties, but it really drives in the point: The only person who feels worse about spending 15 years writing the definitive text on anteaters is the person who spent 14 years and got pipped when it came time to publish.
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  4.  @goatdeer8403  Yes
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  5. Literally none of that is true. - Even in worst case power sourcing, you make up the difference in greenhouse emissions during vehicle production over the course of about a year - It's even better for the environment to switch to an RV from your current 1995 Toyota Tercel due to how inefficient those old engines were - Pollution? As in smog? Note that even moving the pollution production out to the exurbs has a positive environmental impact where local greenery can absorb the worst of it - This isn't The Onion, this is a Wendy's
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  6. WDYM? Town is a reference to noted 18th century abolitionist, feminist, LGBTQ rights advocate and inventor Alison Towne.
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  7.  @notpocky9806  Buddy, you're a month late and like four jokes deep—I have a very limited recollection regarding what my comment meant in this context, and absolutely zero what you're insinuating in yours.
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  8. He's even out there making jobs in his community. What a hero. o7
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  9. Mojang needs you to find the differences between those first two slides.
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  10. Your crustacean-friend is lucky. I work with several cetaceans who signed on during the pandemic who are now being told to "towel off" and "return to office." Luckily they had no trouble retaining council for an employment discrimination filing—it's gonna be a whale of a lawsuit.
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  11. No thanks. I prefer a faith-based regimen whereby I treat my exuberance by seeking inspiration The Book of Job. A few lines in, once I've faced the fact that my entire world philosophy is based around millennia-old ramblings about some sky-being who's honestly kind of a dick my feelings of cheerfulness vanish, just like that.
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  12. I think the majority of people in the region are 💯 in favor of locking Benjamin Netanyahu in a room with no food or water. I feel like there were other parts of your proposal, but I think they were superfluous.
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  13. Oh the optimism of 2009... Let's just say a lot of children were born approximately nine months after March 2, 2018.
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  14. I'm reading this comment as a cry for help from a Disney star who just found out the nature of their existence. RIP, @reine5372. You will be missed.
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  15. Do an image search for Ford Nucleon and then come back and thank me.
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  16. How far we've come in ten years... I wouldn't put a 4K@180Hz display in my downstairs bathroom. If it's not 8K ultrawide with a refresh rate of at least 240Hz, it's garbage—you just bought literal garbage.
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  17. Was not expecting the Xochitl product placement. I'm a huge Stan of those chips myself, but you know this is parody because they never would have gotten through the Procurement process.
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  18. Except in a follow-up video, they mention Paul has a boyfriend.
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  19. ​ @shreknskrubgaming7248 When you realize that the Nintendo Switch runs handheld at 720p, it actually would have made perfect to give that name to a portable Xbox of the same era.
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  20. The fact that this was literally the twist in a prestige TV show this past year is pretty hilarious.
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  21. Yeah, but no one forced you to click that "reply" button. 🤷‍♂️
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  22. It's been twelve years, and I'd still pay a fortune to talk with someone about how amazing Snow Leopard was as an operating system.
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  23. Seeing that now I'm like, "Oh how wholesome! They even included a Raspberry Pi dev board! Way to promote women in STEM!"
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  24. My grandfather literally attempted to bequeath his pornography collection to two of my cousins. I was frankly offended that I wasn't included.
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  25. How short your memory is or how young you are. The anti-Obama merch market made the Bush-bashing stuff look like the bush leagues
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  26.  @patrickmack9462  No, he's real. I went to a convention and he signed my earlobe. Really nice guy.
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  27. For the record what happened was that Gawker bought them in 2016, then the Hulk Hogan thing happened leading to GMG being owned by Univision before being sold to a Vulture Fund run by a Herb. I'm not sure who's responsible for getting the Algorithm to push these vids all of a sudden, but I'm hopeful it's a sign of something good to come.
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  28. Only nine new volumes in 1000 years?! Did humanity enact a Logan's Run style "mandatory death at age 30" dystopia or did we discover immortality (such that 95% of the frickable population is grandmas)?
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  29. Amazingly, this is only barely satire. While Amish have historically refrained from voting, they're being actively courted by Republicans this year, and a large Pennsylvania Amish community has been angered by a state raid on a local farmer selling raw milk.
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  30. ​ @axelnils I love how these trolls crawl out of Exxon's tailpipe to hate on EVs even in an Onion video compilation
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  31.  @brennencox516  Yeah yeah I'm sure we can find someone on the other side to lock in with him. The problem is Arafat is already dead, Abbas has no power and Hamas is pretty decentralized.
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  32. This is wild. She even has YouTube videos up on @springchickenmedia that are honestly indistinguishable from segments like this.
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  33. Okay, but that "Monkey Business" meeting video—is it real? And where can I watch it?
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  34. "President Trump? President Clinton?..." This was recorded in 2016. "...I'm going to be much wealthier in four years." Good news on that front: he passed away in June 2020 because he thought he was too rich to wear a mask. Also, not for nothing, but he died penniless after his wet market empire collapsed.
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  35. Whatever you do, do not read the ticker on today's video. I can't believe the world's premiere news source would work with DHS to set up this sting—they've clearly been planning this for years by running hilarious side-jokes and Easter eggs in that space, just teeing us all up for this day. Well, so long, Amercia. It's been real. 🗽
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  36. And before you ask: no, Italy is not an option for me...
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  37. Idk, even adjusting for inflation, a new Toyota Tacoma for $16k seems awfully farfetched.
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  38. ​@@13.ghaniziyadsagiansyah66The right teacher can make any topic fascinating. From Lindsay Nikole's videos, for example, I know that to undergo carcinization one must be: - not a Croatian - not a Cetacean - but a Crustacean
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  39. ​ @neon1718 ​I don't even think they've gotten less subtle—The Onion from my youth was pretty direct in its political parody, especially (and relevantly) the evergreen classic: "'No Way to Prevent This,' Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens." I think the OC is just a troll.
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  40. Everybody talking about the roasted babies, no one yet realizing that the survivors of the Congressional Hostage Crisis would be in college by now.
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  41. 🔫🧑‍🚀 "Always has been."
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  42. Like the parent warning of the dangers of the riptide at Cocoa Beach. Gotta admire The Onion for writing two full articles for a three-second freeze frame.
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  43. Yeah, I mean, this is blatantly false. Toyota has several known "secret" labs—one at their Denton, Texas HQ where they keep Akio Toyoda's '93 Supra and a bunch of other cool cars; and another in Japan that's been described as a "mini Nürburgring." Ford regularly goes to a grove in Nevada where they send patrol helicopters to the surrounding hills to eliminate any spy photographers.
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  44. "Look at his eyes. They're not my husband's eyes."
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  45. 0:08 Wait, "Anna Gentry?" That's Brooke Alvarez!
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  46. How things change in just three years--only exhibitionists "download" porn these days instead of streaming everything. I rest well at night knowing that should I die in my sleep, my children will never know the unspeakably depraved smut I enjoyed from inside the anonymity of an Incognito tab.
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  47. ​ @thefrey9588  A year late, and YouTube doesn't like sharing non-YT links, but yes, this was very real. A quick Google search finds contemporary pieces from CNN and techcrunch.
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  48.  @thefrey9588  Cheers!
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  49. F in the chat for the xkcd guy who was mailing around $1 bobcats...
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  50. Folks this ain't even parody. While you could run a daycare for all the kids of today's male Formula One drivers, even an absolute legend like Black Volcano and Empress of Rally Michèle Mouton didn't have kids until after she retired.
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