Hearted Youtube comments on Coal Hastings (@CoalHastings) channel.
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I definitely relate to this. I was very invisible through all my school years and I wasn't secure enough in myself to be alone around people in school, I would at home, id build lego cities, come up with board games, play video games, reading, comics. I was excited about these things, I loved Pokemon as a kid until everyone else decided it wasn't cool. I remember at 9 years old being into these things and then suddenly everyone around my class started acting like they were teenagers or in middle school. Kids were listening to Eminem talking about sit-coms and Dave Chappelle and trying to not act like kids. I didn't understand it, but I felt isolated and like I was lagging behind socially from everyone else.
I became a terrible person I didn't know who I really was or if what I was was still ok and I tried being friends with people who just made me the punching bag or joke of the group who got made fun of for being enthusiastic or passionate for anything I enjoyed. I did at times leave these groups, but I just felt really alone, and I wanted to be wanted. I went out of my way for attention, make up stuff, lie about myself. I just tried to run away from the childhood version of myself that loved stories and creativity and exploring characters.
I became bitter and sad and acted weird for the sake of being weird because being labelled strange was better then being invisible. The truth is it didn't make a difference, by the end of high-school when everyone on the last week of high school were going around getting year books signed, I realized everyone since Grade 9 to 12 had formed friendships and instead of walking around alone getting their yearbooks signed, they were sitting in the halls with groups of friends made through our time and it just broke me. I should have just been myself, maybe Id have ended up alone anyways, but I have so much baggage from high-school because of how I acted and what I held in because I was afraid of being myself.
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I'm not entirely sure why I was recommended this video, but I'm glad that there are more and more men offering sound advice, to what I assume is mostly a demographic of young male viewers, with respect to romantic love, platonic love, and self-love. I think for all people, though, regardless of your relationship status, it's important that we de-centralize romantic love as being the only viable path to a successful social life. The love of our friends, families, and most importantly the love we have for ourselves, can be just as fulfilling as romantic love. I've been in plenty of romantic relationships and I put my self-love, platonic love and familial love on the backburner thinking that romantic love was the end-all-be-all, and it just isn't. I don't know how else to say that, but romantic love truly is only one kind of love, and it's no better or worse than the other kinds of love that are available to you. And honestly, if you believe that finding "the one" will make you feel whole, you still have a lot of inner work to do. Only you can make yourself feel whole. Build a home within yourself. Your purpose isn't to find the one, or to find your passion; it's just to live your life.
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I do agree with a lot of this in terms of the points you make about how to be a good partner however I do want to challenge the assumption I'm gathering that before the modern age of social media that our parents were not having situationshipish relationships. yes they didn't have as many options but by no means were they more mature than we are as young people. they were still being assholes, leading people on, not calling people again instead of breaking up with them, only being half-in relationships until they met someone they were more excited about etc etc. I don't think its a generational thing as much as a young people, flighty, non-commital because we don't know what we want from our lives thing. and plus people were more willing to settle back then because they didn't have options and because marriage was more of an expectation. You could say that things have significantly improved in some ways because being single is no longer a liability, and we have freedom and rights especially as women that were only truly available to us in the late 70s! so we are only recently seeing the fruits of our labour pay off. it does mean that because women don't have as much of a need for men beyond the enigmatic feelings of love and a high that you get when you're in love, as well as women who choose to build families. Other women are actually very practical when it comes to love in my experience. As in, if a man is treating her poorly, she is more likely to leave than stay because there isn't anything of material or emotional value to gain. and because women outpace men in emotional maturity and because now we have the freedom of choice, being single often feels like a better option than many of the options available to us. That being said, I don't like being cynical about anything in life, especially not love, and I would like to think that eventually we will settle into ourselves, want something more sustainable and out grow our restless ways but for now, its better in mant ways to just enjoy the ride! I know that for me, I've been in a relationship before, it wasn't perfect but I felt real feelings and I think that regardless of all of this social media blindness, people never forget how you make them feel and that is something that cannot be reduced to a number, a body or an ego boost. i would love more positive outlooks on romance because a part of me feels like its a self-fullfiling prophecy when I see those on social media spewing so much negativity about it. great video and really solid advice!!
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