Comments by "Jack B" (@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing) on "The Onion" channel.

  1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-dwmf-wx8VQ You're welcome, Oscars Board. Shame there was never a Hoff crossover.
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  2. Liked because the joke (and term) flew over everyone else's head and tiki torches.
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  3. Most. Trusted. News.
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  4. People say she was a Helicopter Mom. Never knew she was a pilot. TMYK.
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  5. How to get your kid to stop talking to you 2020: pay for an iPad and Minecraft How to get your kid to stop talking to you 1820: get paid to put them in a Coal Mine
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  6. Wait til they see Auli'i Cravalho cast as Magnum PI in the series reboot. Starbuck as a chick won't even compare on the backlash scale #WeRememberTheMustache
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  7.  @birthdaycow  <--- ladies and gentlemen, the sharpest knife in the drawer
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  8. I grew up a sickly child in my hometown of Verwaltungsgemeinschaft Wackersdorf, and an RLS afflicted adult despite my Oma's best efforts. I don't blame her, she did her best despite being handicapped with a pair of tiny EE cups.
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  9. That was one little letter away from being super racist. But original.
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  10. 47,000 Sacha Cohens liked this
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  11. I won't lie, I was kinda thinking the opening 6 seconds were going to abruptly shift and put Rei in a red robe and wimple from Handmaid's Tale, just to be super offensive
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  12. He could have gotten into a better school if Aunt Becky was his mom instead of that "virgin". Activities listed on College App: Water walking, loaves n' fishes n' shit, getting up early on holidays
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  13. If I only had a little money...money money....
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  14. I hear he's on the board at Wu-Tang financial now
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  15. Trick answer. You are the dislikes.
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  16. Whaaaat? Who doesn't want to see some more Porkin' Across America
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  17. More deep state media conspiring against the free Virus market
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  18. So very Sartre, yet so very true
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  19.  @DavidAndersen84  To be fair, I'm not the only one doing it. Have you ever been in a Denny's? Like Fury Road with pancakes.
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  20. Peter did it. Always hide in plain sight.
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  21.  @thehellyousay  And willow trees. And old oaks.
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  22. Whatchu put in mah Malt Liquor, White Boyyyy?!??
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  23. When your aunt calls in the middle of your day: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-ZUwh3Lvko
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  24. The NRA is hailing this as a victory for the 2nd Amendment and America
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  25. Peter K Rosenthal reviews The Onion Reviews
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  26. I like spicy Buffalo potato wings
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  27. This is Bob. Bob had bitch tits. Those huge sweating tits that hung enormous, the way you'd think of God's as big.
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  28. Americans were SHOCKED to discover these FIVE EASY TIPS for becoming a Nigerian Prince
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  29. Easy. You get it a Wife car. They have a few little go karts, and it's good for a while. But then your car has to work two extra jobs like Uber and Lyft because it's upside down on that 3-Car Garage mortgage that she just had to fucking have even though it was outside of their means. And then the only places your car will go is Costco and the Mother In Law's garage, all while the little 2 stroke brats whine and whine about going to fucking Disneyland. Later, your self driving car will be impounded in an apparent murder-suicide because that two-timing slut of a Prius was cheating on him with a Challenger from work. All I'm trying to say is: buy a motorcycle.
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  30.  @massimookissed1023  The very same.
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