Comments by "Jack B" (@WindFireAllThatKindOfThing) on "The Onion" channel.

  1. I can't wait to see CGI Cooper playing as CGI Paul Walker reprising his role as CGI Brian O'Conner in Fast X: The Fastening
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  2. LOL, you look at the Queer Feminist Poetry Slam skit, and you think its funny, but as soon as you get called out, Riechbart trolls, all of a sudden you say it's "too much politicsl, not funny, Onion.."
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  3. This comment has a Poe power of over 9000.
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  4. Automation is really going to kill the job market. That's why you're going to be replaced by a sex robot, Martha.
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  5. And Starbuck wasn't ALWAYS a chick??? Who the fuck KNEW, man!
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  6. Where the fuck was this technology BEFORE that gold digging bitch took my filthy seed??? #WhereWereYouScience
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  7. congrats on your weak game
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  8. How many licks does it take to get the center of a Ruger Redhawk Revolver? The world may never know. (LOL, I just remembered we used to have gun shaped Juice Pops. Chilly Bang Bang's.)
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  9. I am curious how they're going to reboot Band of Brothers in the same way. Must...topple....patriarchy.....fashionably......
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  10. I still have this GWAR album.
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  11. We like to call them the "Blue Chips" Finkle is Einhorn! Einhorn is a Replicant!
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  12. Action Bronson approved.
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  13. 13:54 That water sip technique is....unique Edit: This vidya had 911 likes. I had to upvote it for Freedom and our national security
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  14. #MAGA
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  15.  Star Trek Theory  <---- dead inside. Condolences
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  16. Bush league. Apparently they've never been shaken down by Jersey Mike for protection money every month. Ya gonna have it Mike's Way or else, you mook.
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  17. Or Johnny Depp's declining career
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  18. Porn Economists are expecting that the moneyshot economy going down so hard on America will neverless swallow the losses and rally after a raw-dog double injection of stimulus is pumped deep inside the wanton & insatiable marketplace. Multiple partners have banded together anonymously to yeet seed capital into every vulnerable and gaping hole in the GDP. Conservative watchdog groups remain salty about sharing credit for a potential economic climax with what they see as an unwanted Federal intrusion & buck-to-buck contact, citing that the Nanny State as a bukakke ATM is not their kink. But, when asked to comment about Corporate Socialism being eagerly licked up by his donors, Majority Leader McConnell replied "No homo."
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  19. Cloth belt instead of leather. First time?
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  20. I'm concerned about my Hemorrhoids. Little help?
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  21. I sent a coupon for 50 cents off your second can of Campbells Chunky Chicken Noodle Soup. I got to be a Key Grip.
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  22. hahahahaahahaa, that you're here, fuming and pissing yourself in anger, pleases me and makes it so, sooo much better
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  23. Tide goes in. Tide goes out. You can't explain that.
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  24. awwwww, did the widdle gun nut get his iddy biddy feelers hurt? Does baby need a nap and a Babylon Bee story?
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  25. "And Mr Thompson".....lol
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  26. Thoughts and Prayers, Trumpcare. Thoughts and prayers.
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  27. Shhhh, stop yelling at the snowflake, guys. He's delicate and special. If you hadn't noticed, they melt in this American fondue pot. A sweet, unique slice of beauty that needs to be held and cuddled close in the fluffy embrace of other snowflakes. So much beauty in the world....so much beauty....
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  28. These documents provide the crucial leak between the Trump cabal and Global Tetrahedron. Should the void detention complex be ruled unconstitutional by the SCOTUS, then all citizens will have to learn the following phrase: "Kneel Before ZOD!"
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  29. Ladies and Gentlemen, our next Press Secretary. Spicy needs a break.
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  30. Hey man, can I get my gun back after you're done with it?
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  31. I see the Administratum & Ecclesiarchy is still doing a bang up job making Holy Terra great again
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  32. When Miles Gaskin can run as many yards per game as Harry the Husky, then he can bitch. Until then, shut up and dribble
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  33. "Commerce is our goal here at Tyrell. More human than human is our motto. Rachael is an experiment, nothing more. We began to recognise in them a strange obsession. After all they are emotionally inexperienced, with only a few years in which to store up the experiences which you and I take for granted. If we gift them a past, we'd create a cushion, a pillow for their emotions and consequently we can control them better." - Dr Eldon Tyrell "Commerce is our goal here at Church. More Sheep than Sheep is our motto. Jesus is an experiment, nothing more. We began to recognise in them a strange Christian obsession. After all they are educationally inexperienced, with only a few religions in which to completely fabricate the existentialism which you and I take for granted. If we gift them a Savior, we'd create a cushion, a pillow for their need to believe and consequently we can control them better." - Every Evangelical Pastor and Conservative Politician. Ever.
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  34. Ohhhhh....I thought they said fully intact IRAQ My bad. Thought they found something mythical.
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  35. the thing about a Revolution is that it's a circular act that just comes back to where it started when it's finished an evolution on the other hand...
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  36. They Eat Da Pooh-Pooh!
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  37. Thinking it ranges from thirTEEN to nineTEEN is so Twenty Nineteen.
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  38.  @itsrobot7339  butt
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  39. Microsoft Tay is already online & poised to contribute. Just submit a help desk ticket and watch her riff out the best quotes.
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  40. It got here 300 years too early, and we have no President Camacho.
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  41. Mom: "Now, what was the name of that girl you were seeing? The one who liked that Rap music?" Me: "You mean Sarah, my ex wife? The mother of your grandson?" Mom: "Yeah. That's the one. Is she dead yet? I told you she was no good. But you never listened to me, and now you live in an apartment." / takes a sip of wine with a shitty smirk Me thinking to myself: Jokes on you, mom. Just so you know, I'm having you buried in the back yard by the kennel, and you can't stop me. You old battleaxe.
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  42. So the Jew joke wasn't kosher enough for you? Oy, there's just no pleasing a khnyok.
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  43. Adeptus Ministorum approved.
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  44. Personally, I'm voting Putin Blue rather than Putin Red in 2020. I prefer his social policies regarding Russian Government YouTube Trolls. Putin Green is just too lefty for me.
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  45. The Legend of BloodNinja would live on. So the Admin puts on his Robe and Wizard hat....
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  46. I think I should start going to church again.
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  47. Naw, I learn more from u2B. And the Unjun.
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  48. It's the era of MeToo. Horrifying Planet needs to return and raise awareness of the vile rape machine that is the Duck.
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  49. If Cobra Kai taught me anything, it's that Karate is the answer
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  50. Well, that should cut down on the chlamydia being shared around courtesy of Vicky's dressing rooms
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