Comments by "Leo" (@Leoo117) on "PsycHacks" channel.

  1. It's super easy as a man to attract a woman when you aren't truly interested in her, because you don't care what she does, so you're being more of your usual masculine self, so you effortlessly give her enough room for her feelings to grow. When a man is truly interested in a woman, or adores her, he has to actually exercise some self-control and self-respect, because he tends to treat the one he wants a little differently than the others by reaching out too often and by other little things when interacting with her. This causes her to lose attraction and it gets in the way of the growth of her romantic feelings, because he essentially acts more feminine than her. This is why it seems to us men that the ones we like don't like us, but the ones we don't like always like us. Its due to our behavior. So with a little self-control and self-respect and being conscious of vetting the woman and seeing if she is good for us and treating her the same as we would any other woman, we can indeed have the woman we adore while also being adored by her. It's possible. Adoration doesn't equal pedestalization. It just has us acting less than our authentic selves sometimes without realizing it if we are not careful.
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  2. ​ @dr.jenniferma3914  I believe women feel extra hurt when rejected because they take it to mean something personal about their attractiveness. It's an insecurity. Women initiating is probably the best and most natural thing. Any man that doesn't like a woman to initiate is also suffering from an insecurity.
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  3. A woman or a man that is open to another romantic prospect while still in a relationship belongs to the streets. That is basically a disloyal person that has no integrity. The only real value they are following is what their heart feels in that moment, and our heart is not necessarily the best guide to follow.
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  4. It's true that people are generally superficial. It's good to take care of ourselves, and the ones that do not only are more attractive, but it also speaks to a certain kind of discipline they have about them, which is NOT superficial. It's ok to look at the outside superficial, but when a person completely gives into that and makes their decisions mostly based on superficial things, that is when they tend to have issues. That woman who rejected you due to you not having an apartment couldn't see your value, because she was so focused on a superficial aspect of you. You were a man in college actively pursuing his goals and her not having the discipline to look at other things besides the superficial caused her to miss something that wasn't superficial and was actually awesome. So she actually filtered herself out of your life, because you don't want someone that only knows superficiality anyway. It's similar with a man focusing only on a woman's beauty, and completely missing all the red flags as a result, then complaining later when she treats him bad. So eating right and keeping oneself in shape is not insignificant or petty at all, because it says a lot about a person. It just isn't the only thing that matters, and focusing ONLY on the superficial things on the outside causes problems for us.
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  5. The only true way out of it is to humble yourself, and admit that you don't know everything, or that you could be wrong about your beliefs when an honest challenge comes up that makes sense. Face the fear that you might not know as much as you thought you knew. Do not run from that discomfort and that fear. I guarantee that this is literally the only way out of the constant projection of our beliefs and its the only way to truly step into reality. Humility leads to true wisdom. There is a saying by Confucius that says "real knowledge is to know the extent of one's own ignorance". In other words, the prideful and the haughty keep themselves blind and cannot truly learn anything. Thats why pride really does come before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling. That's a proverb from the bible that backs that up. Thats why the issue you mentioned is so prevalent. Most people in this world refuse to humble themselves.
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  6. ​@Anne Smith Hang around hateful people, and you'll develop hateful and bitter mindsets. This includes the internet. There are actually healthy people out there that actually LIKE other people and have compassion and goodwill. It'll be extra hard to find them if you keep associating with hateful people and inadvertently taking on their mindsets.
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  7. Any woman that has a plan B belongs to the streets, man. That is an integrity issue. Women like that have never truly committed to the relationship in the first place. Also, it's extremely unhealthy for anyone to get into another relationship so quickly, so that particular woman that jumps from one to another is not ready for a healthy relationship. This is not all women, though. This goes for men as well. The solution is learning to properly vet your romantic interest. Men always have options, they just don't know it, because they don't understand the power they hold. Also, women are generally the ones being chosen and approached, so this makes it easy for them, whereas the men are doing the approaching. It takes more effort to do the initiating, and if they do nothing, nothing happens for them due to them being the leaders. Also, women leave most of the time due to a loss of attraction for an extended period of time. The man gets complacent, stops being his masculine self that she fell in love with, and she loses attraction because of it. Most people don't understand that actual love and loyalty transcends romantic attraction for men and women. Love isn't just the feelings. It includes loyalty. Love is the actions that are taken, EVEN when the feelings are not there in the moment. This is not an excuse to be complacent and let ourselves go. It just means that actual love cuts through those imperfections that we all have. Most are not taught this, so they don't understand it, and they don't have an example of it. We are taught to follow our hearts in this world, and that isn't good advice. Our heart gets us into trouble, and often has us regretting our decisions. It's like being feral without any guidance. At the end of the day, we are only human. Even when we know better, making the right choices can be hard, but that is where we decide on how much integrity we have.
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  8. @Javi Lo  I threw in self-respect, because we have to respect ourselves first in order to make sure we are being treated properly and with respect by all others. If we treat ourselves with respect, we won't hang around others that treat us less than we treat ourselves. It takes self-respect to notice when a woman isn't reciprocating your interest and you aren't being treated how you'd like to be treated. You HAVE to have respect for yourself in order to not continue going forward in that situation. Going all in to chase a woman or ask her out on a date, even when she shows very little enthusiasm to talk to you, is putting yourself in a position to be treated bad or with disrespect. A person with self-respect would notice the low enthusiasm or low interest, and decide not to take things further. A person that respects themselves will be able to properly vet a woman by noticing her behavior toward him and others, EVEN when he feels strong romantic feelings towards her. Women tend to notice when you won't accept any bad or low effort treatment, and this tends to raise their attraction to you, so thats why it makes you more masculine. It's like you are someone strong and sturdy that they cannot push around or treat however they want and still expect to keep your attention, which helps them to feel safe with you.
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  9. You got it half right. Good man. Gotta let people be free to go. Although, you actually DO want people to feel "too safe" as you put it, because then they show their true colors, which makes it much easier and faster to vet them and their true personality. Fear is not the basis of respect. Thats a dictatorship. People cannot feel free by feeling fear. True respect is given freely without being scared or forced.
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  10. Fear does not equal respect. If someone is treating you well only because they are afraid of you in some capacity, they are not respecting you. They are FEARING you. A person that truly respects you is going to respect you at ALL times, even at your weakest and most vulnerable. It's toxic to yourself to hang around those that have to fear you in order to treat you correctly. This way, it's not a paradox.
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  11. Don't know about this one doc. The impurities you mentioned do indeed stand in the way of love. They are basically a result of insecurity and fear, but they are present in both women and men. Its a universal problem we have to individually address within ourselves. Also, i think your tree analogy is a little off. Small trees somehow get the nutrients and the sunlight they need to grow big in the first place. So really, its as if the rest of the forest shares its nutrients with the smaller, softer and weaker ones. So really, we should be more like the forest where we show love to one another, no matter how soft or weak, in order to help one another grow strong.
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  12. In other words, they were traumatized and they dealt with that trauma in the wrong and toxic way, because they went on to traumatize others with their new and skewed world view. Therefore, he keeps himself from finding a healthy woman that shares his values. The solution is to not let a person's bad treatment of you completely dictate your moral compass and your life choices.
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  13. I think you have a point, but it's not defined enough, and can be taken too many different ways. I think roles in romantic relationships are built in, and it's mostly natural to follow those roles. I believe what you are referring to with not being ourselves is our imperfections and our tendency to want to slack, be lazy, or think of ourselves and not consider the other person. Sometimes, it's just pride that gets in the way or the fact that we feel uncomfortable with a certain vulnerability that we aren't used to showing. These toxic things can be natural for us and are part of who we are due to being imperfect and raised certain ways. The good news is that we can change these things within ourselves. So overall, being our natural selves is a good thing, because we aren't exhausting ourselves by putting up a facade, BUT we have to take into consideration our imperfections. For example, I've decided years ago to make an effort to practice being myself at ALL times, wherever I go and with whatever I do and around ALL people. Ever since I've began doing this, I've felt so much happier and more free and more energetic and more confident. It works wonders. Now, I have to hold my tongue sometimes though, because perhaps a leader at work might be extremely inefficient and unwilling to listen, which angers me. Or maybe my natural inclination is to be lazy at work that day. Or perhaps I don't feel like spending time with my girlfriend, because I want too much alone time to focus on other things. To your point, THESE are imperfections that are natural for me that I have to be aware of and exercise self-control with in order to maintain my happiness and my relationships. So be ourselves, but be aware of and temper our imperfections. Not doing this and just following our hearts carelessly can lead to disaster. It really takes some humility.
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  14. So did sending the picture work the way you thought it would? You went from speaking in the past tense as if this already happened, to the present tense as if it's happening now, and then the future tense as if it hasn't happened at all.
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  15. The ladies meant that she loved you when she WAS with you. Not now. They say that because of her strong emotional response to not being with you. She wasn't loving you when she was antagonizing you. She was acting out in anger because she couldn't get what she wanted from you. This is an improper, unhealthy and low self-control response to anger. It isn't love. Also, the comment above had interesting advice. Act feminine with her and be all over her with too much affection like she is your only priority in life, and you'll turn her off to the point of her being glad she isn't with you. I've never thought of that. What a simple way to deal with that type of thing lol. Its manipulative though and it requires dishonesty, so there is no guarantee that would work, and if she has a scarcity mindset or has an unhealthy attachment or is just extremely loyal to you, she might just stick around even though she is turned off and doesn't like your behavior. So you'll be taking a chance. Then she'll be even more mad that you left because she stuck with you, even though you turned her off. So I think honesty like you've been doing is actually best.
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  16. People you have to walk on eggshells around don't make good relationship partners. The problem was the personality of that particular woman and her unaddressed insecurities. The problem isn't with women ingeneral. Like men, they have different personalities. The good news is that you can be more aware of that behavior and choose someone that doesn't freak out when you're honest.
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  17. They don't normally don't know the answer to that question. What actually attracts them is simply masculinity. Masculinity means drive, purpose, mission, overcoming obstacles, succeeding, achieving goals, being decisive and being sure of yourself, and sure of who you are and boundaries. Basically, getting your stuff together. They have to NOTICE this on their own. This is generally what causes the initial attraction, and then they look for more things. You cannot be trying to flaunt it, because that would be unattractive, because thats feminine. So you literally just getting stuff done and enjoying yourself while you do it is what attracts them. They tend to put themselves in your orbit. It's like you are driving a fun bus and know exactly the direction you're headed, and they want to be part of it. So it really isn't based on looks as much for them. They also like patient men, and men that go for what they want and are ok if they don't get it.
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  18. He either has a hypocritical stance on this like the rest of them, or he hasn't thought it through. Or maybe he thinks cheating is ok at all times for everyone. Either way, this type of stance suggests that a person thinks only of themselves and their own pleasure.
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  19. @K H  Yeah, you're definitely already doing the right thing. Genuine compliments are the best. If you feel like complimenting her, absolutely do it. Genuine compliments are upbuilding for all of us, and women especially love it from their man. It makes her feel like she is special to you, which is important, because it makes her feel closer and more attracted to you. Don't hold back. The only time a compliment is bad or screws up attraction is when your compliment is not genuine, and you come off as a manipulative robot, or when you WAY overdo the compliments and completely smother her with them, which also makes the compliment feel disingenuous.
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  20. Probably femininity. A feminine woman is simply more attractive to a masculine man. Women that are generally known as "hot" tend to have tons of insecurities that they haven't yet conquered, which prevents them from relaxing in their femininity and causes self-sabotage. The pretty ones seem to suffer more trauma, which creates more insecurities that need to be addressed. Less femininity makes it harder for a masculine man to be with them. Also, very pretty women tend to attract more men that just want to use them for sex, and leave. So they have it harder in some ways. Some women just don't know how to properly vet a man.
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  21. @Primavera Verano  Makes sense. I think that is the right thing to do. You sound like a woman with self-respect. When I said to treat a woman the same as any other woman, I meant to take it just as slow, and be aware of her interest, and don't overdo things like calling her a lot because we want to talk to her so much. The treating her like she is special part still happens by asking her out on a date, setting aside time for her, and just enjoying himself with her unlike he would be able to with other women. Treating her special comes naturally if he really likes her, because she IS special to him. A man just needs to take care not to jump in so quickly, or overwhelm her with attention that she isn't ready for yet, simply because he likes her and she is special to him.
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  22. Its good to mention that courage is basically a trait that is healthy for both men and women to have. It definitely makes us all more attractive and just happier within ourselves. Granted, it makes men more attractive in a different sort of way, so I get your point here. This explanation is just vague, so its open to many interpretations that you didn't intend.
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  23. ​ @ericclayton9080 This sounds more like he settled for a woman he wasn't really romantically interested in. Think about it. She had to grow on him. In other words, he wasn't interested in her but he found some things he liked about her after a while. Taking her on as a responsibility and was fun. In other words, she was kind of a burden to him because he didn't really want her there, but he could still have fun together with her when she was there. She became a duty and he didn't want to be bothered with her. In other words, he has no motivation to put effort into the relationship because he just has no real romantic interest. It just sounds like he had trouble attracting the woman he truly wanted, and just gave up and settled down with a woman he kind of liked. This is an issue for many men because they don't figure out what they've been doing wrong.
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  24. @Lilith  No, I'm saying that we men should definitely be with a woman that we truly care about and adore. The video says otherwise. I'm saying that men often chase too hard too early when we really like a woman if we don't know any better. We can come off too strong and needy due to fear of losing that rare woman that is actually special to us, and acting out of fear is not love and causes that fear to come true. We should never pretend we don't care and we should never hide our interest. That isn't love either. I'm basically saying that we need to be authentic, while not falling into a fearful mindset. There is no fear when talking to someone we aren't interested in, so by bringing that up, I'm basically saying to use that example as a way to remember how we treat someone when we aren't in a fearful state. We make the things we focus on come true. So if we focus on our fears, which we unintentionally do sometimes, we can make that fear come true. So basically, we as men need to switch our focus off of the fear of things going wrong, and onto just making dates and hanging out and having fun like we would when there is no fear. And also to face our own fear of losing this special woman, so that we can actually be ok with her not being interested, so we can be our usual calm and authentic selves, and not come off too strong and needy and chase her away.
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  25. "Game" is disingenuous. It suggests you have to put on a fake personality in order to get what you want. Its manipulative and fake. He even compared it to being a conman. If this is what you have to resort to, then you are giving up your masculinity and your genuineness. If you really want to be successful, then learn to be more of your genuine self. This is an experience a person you're with won't get anywhere else. Do not be approval seeking and know your values and your boundaries, and stick to them no matter what. Know who you are so you won't be moved emotionally so easily or feel the need to control an outcome. Also, genuinely being interested in a person without wanting something in return goes extremely far.
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  26. You over complicated this to oblivion. First, calling something game is to call it disingenuous. Gaming a person means you are putting up a temporary act to get what you want. Bad way to go, because people get hurt this way. Second, what you describe as play when it comes to the child's example is a good example. Play is just ultimately having fun. The example you gave of play when it came to adults is not actually play. You can describe that as being uplifting. Being uplifting to people is something literally everyone enjoys and its a good thing. Although, you don't have to appeal to some hidden fantasy of themselves in order for uplifting to feel good to a person. Third, overall, have fun and don't take yourself too seriously and don't take offense easily. The only way you can do this is by having a humble attitude and being able to reflect on your own behavior once in a while. You can in fact be genuinely playful and uplifting to people without intent to use them or seduce them. That just being part of your personality just makes you more likable by everyone. Your uplifting words and playfulness should always be honest and genuine. Not used to get what you want. If you're genuine, you'll find that actually getting what you want will come easily without too much effort or gaming anyone. This is also how you find that special romantic prospect and have it last.
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  27. "High hopes, and low expectations." Bad way to go. If you expect for things not to work out, your actions will align with this limiting belief, and you will inadvertently act in ways that make you less attractive. This belief enables low confidence. Its a self-fulfilling prophecy motivated by fear of rejection and pain. You should go in expecting that things will work out, and be ok if it doesn't. THAT is the mindset that is the true confidence maker. This allows you to be ok with any outcome, but with a belief of confidence in yourself. Also, being in the present moment is not about avoiding potential pain. That would actually discourage vulnerability, which allows no confidence. The present moment is about not being worried about potential pain by staying in the present moment when you are on a date, and not letting your mind wonder to the future about how your date might react to something you say, which would stop you from being yourself, which stops you from being confident. This is the true wisdom doc. This way, its not a strategy, its literally just changing your mindset of who you are as a person to a mindset of a confident person. So you can just be your natural attractive self without being strategic.
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  28. This is because when you show good behavior, it is basically a mirrored reflection of how the other person is showing up. It inadvertently makes them look at their own behavior, and most people try to avoid that, because it makes them feel shame. So in order to avoid feeling shame, they try to bring you down to their level to be like them, or they just try to get distance themselves from you or try to chase you away. Keep being your good self with integrity and don't settle for any place that doesn't appreciate that about you. Most of this world doesn't have integrity, but there are some places that still have decent people that do appreciate kindness and integrity. Don't stop until you find a place like that. In your work life and your personal life.
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  29. If she is going out with you, it's because she LIKES you. It's not because of a fantasy. Perhaps you meant to say she has a feeling of anticipation of seeing you, but that is much different than a fantasy. Saying it's a fantasy takes the credit away from who you are and the points about you that initially attracted her. You don't realize it, but you are promoting a scarcity and approval seeking mindset by telling men to appease a fantasy. Approval seeking behavior is extremely unnattractive. Granted, you should be genuinely interested in another person enough to ask them questions about themselves.
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  30. Its true. Believing a lie is on us. That goes for everyone. That is why we have to focus on people's ACTIONS. If a person's actions do not match up with their words, it is a LIE. So if a guy says he wants to marry, but doesn't after at least 2 years, he is a liar. Men know when they want to marry way before the 2 year mark. A woman just needs that knowledge, which most don't have. Also, if a dude commits to a woman out of guilt or pity, that's a man with a scarcity mindset that just doesn't believe he can get what he wants, when in reality, he can. In that case, the responsibility belongs to the man for willingly settling for what he does not actually want.
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  31. This is called being genuine and kind. You aren't running "game". You are literally being yourself and not needing anything from them. Just being genuinely interested in them. This is basically showing general love. Many people are not use to this and it makes them uncomfortable even though its upbuilding, which explains the people's negative reactions you get.
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  32. I really think you're overthinking this, and unnecessarily complicating it as a result. I get what you mean and it makes sense, but they're not talking about the literal definition of it when they say that, so you aren't addressing the same thing. They're basically just talking about small acts of kindness that makes them feel more feminine. Like a man helping to carry something heavy. Also, their statement of chivalry being dead is broad, but it's really just about their own experiences.
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  33. Awesome description of that scripture. Basically, return evil for evil to no one. I've put this into practice, and it works beautifully. If it continues, then I'll outwardly say that its not ok and I'd appreciate it if they treat me with the same respect that i treat them with. If it still continues, I just won't associate with them anymore, and let the reason be known. I think people usually treat you in the way they've been treated, and expect the same reaction that they themselves would give. When they don't get that reaction, it really challenges their belief system, and I believe it actually gives them hope deep down that things can actually be peaceful, and that there is another way to deal with such an offense. Basically, you would be passing along the same hope that Jesus himself gave to us.
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  34. It puts too many "ideas" of how things "should" be, and you end up not being able to relax and have fun. Plus, he teaches superficiality, so you'll end up focusing on all the wrong stuff because of watching his videos.
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  35. "Women are attempting to secure as many resources for as little sexual opportunity as possible." This quote is a major limiting belief that will literally only attract gold diggers to you and have you living with very limited happiness and fulfillment, if any at all. Men with this belief based on toxic behavior will miss out on an amazing woman that actually wants YOU over your resources and will literally be trying to secure as much sex as she can from YOU just because she is crazy about you. Also, a date is only to set actual days to get together and gather data on the person so you can decide whether or not you want to marry them. Also, a woman getting upset because you refuse to meet halfway is reasonable, because it really is selfish. If she unilaterally ended a prior relationship with you prior to that date, THEN it would make sense to do that, but doing that from the beginning is just being selfish. And trying to justify it with logic and reasoning of you being the one to pay is no good, especially if you were the one that invited her out on a date. Also, being that focused on sex will have you come off as desperate, which is unnattractive. You're much better off focusing on having fun and enjoying yourself.
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  36. It can, but only if the partner shares those same values and that same mindset. It's pretty rare to find someone that applies that mindset by principle no matter what. I believe that's why the doctor said that we should basically be careful not to project our fantasy of a relationship on someone and instead, just see them as they are.
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  37. I think this data only suggests that men usually finally grow up and get out of a scarcity mindset around 30, which makes them more attractive. Women have the "advantage" at a younger age, because most men haven't learned how to be in their natural masculinity yet, which makes them not attractive, and chasing constantly, keeping them in their feminine. Once the men grow up and finally start acting masculine, this is what makes them desirable, and why it seems like they have the "advantage" at a later age. At that point, its easier for a woman to fall into her feminine, and become the chaser, because the man is finally acting like a man. So men that understand this in their early 20s or even their teens, will have a much easier time attracting women. In other words, he'll have that "advantage", which is really just him being masculine. Of course, understanding this must come with responsibility. Otherwise he'll just go around abusing his power and breaking people's hearts and playing with their feelings and causing trauma all in the name of "feeling good". Part of being a man is not going for women you don't have a true romantic interest in.
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  38. ​@cosmictreason2242 Exactly. Jacob learned the lesson that he needed God's approval in order to be truly happy, not his own. I don't think the doctor is ready to make that kind of change in his life yet, which is why he didn't take the proper lesson from those scriptures.
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  39. This is actually good advice. Basically, face your fears and do not be avoidant. We suffer when we don't accept reality, and we wish things were different than they actually are.
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  40. Sounds like you stopped having fun with her due to wanting to save more money. There has to be a balance. The couple that has fun together stays together. Assuming both people value integrity.
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  41. The woman at the end rejected you simply because she lost attraction to you. She told you all those things in order to not hurt your feelings. Women usually are careful not to hurt your feelings, and that lady was definitely good at not hurting someone's feelings. Also, she lost attraction to you, likely because you showed up in a way that caused her to lose attraction. I wasn't sure at first, but you saying you TEXTED for another date, instead of calling her completely solidified that guess for me. Next time, call. That way is perceived as more confident and therefore, more masculine. She ended up being the masculine one in that moment because she CALLED YOU after you texted. You left room for her to be the more masculine one in that interaction one by not just calling. That tells me you did other subtle things that made you come off unattractive. Anyway, that's why there is no competition for people that understand this stuff, and that's why I'm trying to tell you that superficial things like OUTSIDE success doesn't matter at all. Stop focusing on the outside superficial things. It's blocking you from noticing the truth. Stop thinking of people as a marketplace. This leads to superficial thinking. They are people. Not bought commodities. Also, a scarcity mindset is just that, a MINDSET. You can have all the success in the world, and still cause self-fulfilling prophecies for yourself because of this mindset or fear. Adversely, you can have NO success, and still have an abundance mentality. It's about how you SHOW UP. NOT about what you HAVE. Your life does not result from what you have. Thats actually a bible quote, and I've found it to be as true as ever. There is nothing wrong with being happy with our success, but nothing genuine and meaningful results from only that. That woman rejecting you, even as successful as you are, is your personal proof of that. Also, it's a good point that we should all strive to be kind and respectful when we reject someone.
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  42. He doesn't fully understand attraction. He mentioned how a woman pretends to have a "headache", but never stated the reason why, which means he doesn't know. You are no less valuable of a person at 40, and the man that truly likes you will notice you, because he will see you as different from other women. Initial superficial attraction is based on looks, but LIKING someone with romantic attraction is based on getting to know them, even for a man, whether they know it or not. This is not to say we shouldn't take care of our bodies, because we absolutely need to for ourselves. Its just that there is more to attraction than age and looks. Just like a woman can be attracted to a broke dude due to non-superficial reasons. Until he factually understands why this can happen, you cannot take his opinions as wisdom. He is too focused on superficiality. The truth would never be so superficial. So take heart, because you are more free than you think. You are 40, not 90. Get yourself together, be your authentic self, seek truth, be humble, strive for healthy perspectives, and keep your chin up. Don't give up, even when you feel down. It's going to be ok.
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  43. @Quincy  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. This means that, where you cannot see her value, someone else absolutely will. Her age doesn't matter to someone that meets her and likes her. If your only focus for romance is on the superficial things and youth, you'll always go for the younger one and look past her, but not everyone has those same values. Those with different values will notice her. I got nothing against looksmaxx. Sounds like an awesome way to live to me. I strive to do those things, and when I meet a woman that has the same mindset, it definitely intrigues me. It'll definitely help, and she'll likely attract someone with a similar lifestyle if she does that, but there is still more to a person than that, and a man that likes her will notice that. It's possible. You say she can't have "the one", but that's really another way of saying that she must be with someone she has no romantic interest in. She'd be better off staying single if that's the case, because that defeats the whole purpose of a romantic relationship. It's also really messed up and basically an offense to the partner who is being settled for. It would be wrong. No one has to settle for what they don't want. That's a limiting belief. Although, she should never try to rush into anything, because that creates unnecessary problems. You mention the word bargain as if she'll have to bargain for what she wants like she is a business trying to profit. This is the wrong way to look at things, because relationships are not transactions. The purpose of a relationship is to give FREELY, because you want to do that out of loving or caring for someone. This might sound like a fairy tale to you, but it's actually how healthy relationships work. There is no bargain or transactions involved in genuine relationships. Granted, it's hard to find genuine people who are not trying to "profit" in a sense, so I can see why you'd feel like it's a fairy tale, but genuine people are out there. If you look at relationships as if it's a bargain, you'll likely attract someone who views relationships in the same way, and while you may get your desired bargain, you'll miss out on a true connection that way. A fairy tale would be something like the popular romantic movies of today, where the woman rejects the man, and he does something nice or brings her flowers, and suddenly she realizes she loves him. This doesn't happen in reality. Actually, that sounds like a transaction, too. THATS the true fairy tale, because life doesn't work that way. Movies and TV shows like that mislead us since childhood, and it teaches us things that don't work that we need to unlearn.
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  44. Pretty cool. Never heard it put this way before. I heard a quote once by Wayne Dyer that said, "When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change". Its similar to us deciding what the cat is. My personal cat is doing nothing, not showing up for myself and others, and not taking care of the things I know to be more important and feeling the regret that comes with that feeling later on. So to avoid that cat, I just have to be responsible, and put the more important things first, and I'll always stay close to the cheese, and I'll never have to worry about the cat.
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  45. You couldn't be more wrong. What you call self-respect is actually self-disrespect. Always fighting others and engaging in problems in order to protect yourself is not respecting yourself. That is basically allowing others to dictate your actions. Self-respect is not trying to control people into respecting you. Truly respecting yourself means to walk away from these issues, and not getting involved and not even feeling like you need to explain yourself or fix things. Self-respect means to let go so that you can have peace in your life. It means you walk away from those that refuse to be nice to you. This is a position of strength. Anything else requires you to give up your integrity, which causes you to not feel good about yourself, which makes you extremely unnattractive. Self-respect makes you a more attractive and mature person. Giving up potential deals or positions or relationships so that you are not treated bad is the only cost. Those that allow themselves to be treated bad to obtain something always end up regretting it. Its never worth it.
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  46. Well you had a bad example of how to actually show love, so you became comfortable with being cold, while warmth now feels weird. You just have to practice warmth, and find a good example of warmth to emulate. It would be good to start learning and practicing being comfortable with showing affection and warmth toward your husband, so that you can provide an actual good example on how a good relationship works and feels between romantic partners. It's uncomfortable and it takes effort, but it's worth it so that your kid doesn't learn the same coldness. It's also worth it for yourself, because it helps you feel more fulfillment.
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  47. So true. They will never ask the reason "why" because that would mean they have to take responsibility, which they refuse to do. That whole "women are not held accountable" thing we hear on the internet so much is a projection of themselves. It's depressing, because taking responsibility means keeping the power to create actual change in one's own life, and they would rather give that power away in order to avoid the discomfort of having something be THEIR fault.
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  48. @Anders Nielsen  Thats really just an excuse to be disloyal and hurtful to your partner. It's blaming your base desires rather than taking responsibility for your decision to not exercise self-control. "Sorry for breaking my promise and devastating you and betraying your trust, honey, but I had no choice because I have a brain." If you aren't going to exercise self-control and you know that ahead of time, it's better if you don't engage in a monogamous relationship or commit to someone in that way at all.
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  49. You're only talking about a toxic woman with no standards, principles or self-respect. This type of person isn't actually loyal. They are guided ONLY by their heart, because they have no principles to adhere to, and they don't value loyalty. Men and women all over the world do this, and they usually end up miserable for it. An oath and duty isn't limited to men. Anyone can make an oath. Holding to that oath is based on the person's loyalty. Loyalty has only one definition amongst everyone. If you're in a marriage, and you are currently not feeling the same feelings as you were when you first started the marriage, a loyal person will still show love based on PRINCIPLE. Women are capable of this too. Granted, most people, including men, don't value loyalty at all, and they follow their heart or their feelings immediately and make rash decisions. Also, a man or a woman not showing love to each other after marriage, but staying married is another form of disloyalty, because they are not honoring the promise that they made to love their spouse. I understand your point about learning from one another, and men and women are indeed different, but loyalty means the same thing across the board. I think what you are talking about is the things that men and women have a harder and easier time with in general when it comes to being loyal. This doesn't change the definition for anybody though.
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  50. ​@Dustin Quinton That scripture is there, because those are the areas where men and women tend to become complacent. Women, because of their more intense emotions which can lead to disrespect if not being careful and reflecting on their behavior, and men because of tending to focusing logically on what needs to be done and forgetting to take into account his wife's feelings and not doing the little affectionate things that help her feel loved by him and has her feeling special to him. Overall though, Sarah is right. Both men and women need love and respect. You can't really have one without the other.
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