Comments by "" (@resir9807) on "HealthyGamerGG" channel.

  1. I wanna put in a word for the manipulative friendzone guys. I've often hit it off with a girl, taken my shot and been rejected, then denied her request to remain friends. The key misunderstanding here is that this is not a ploy to gain anything from her. The girls I end up falling for are awesome people who I'd love to be friends with. However, I can't, for my own mental health. I can't see this person and vibe with them and constantly think, I want more from them. This is not a sexual desire (tho it can be too), it's a deeply romantic one. It's not that I pretended to be your friend to get to have sex. The friendship was genuine, feelings arose, and now I need more and can't continue like this. There is no ultrerior motive, this is just the sad facts. Edit: This comment keeps spawning a lot of engagement and interesting conversations, so I thought I'd give an update. So first off, I didn't mention that I HAVE reconnected with some of my former crushes, some of who are in relationships, and we have very nice and meaningful friendships. It just takes a lot of time to process these feelings and get rid of them. Second, with my most recent crush, I actually tried precisely what Dr K recommended. After a few weeks of meeting in a group environment, I noticed feelings arousing. I spoke to her about it and she was very relived and glad to have it in the open, but shot me down and said she hoped we can continue as friends. I said I'm actually cool with that, thinking I'll stick it out, either until she develops feelings or until I get interested in someone else. Whether we end up as friends or partners, I'll be fine with both. Well, that failed miserably. I was keeping up my end of the bargain, treating her like any other friend and still going on dates with other women. However, the friendship was still very weird, because she kept holding me at arm's length, reaching out on her own but shutting me down every time I offered to hang out. I know that's not what she intended, but I felt like a sort of toy that you can play with whenever you want, but it itself doesn't get any say. She liked me enough to spend time with me on her own terms, but still had no trust that I knew to respect her boundaries and wouldn't make an advance if I got the right opportunity. Sorry, that's not a real friendship and I don't need this. The whole experience was ultimately very draining and not worth it, but if anyone thinks I did something wrong here, I'm curious to know.
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  2. I suffered an extreme case of psychosomatic illness, where I basically lost function of my hands for half a year, due to extreme pain. It manifested at first as cubital tunnel syndrome, then carpal tunnel syndrome, then went through all diseases imaginable as each one was ruled out medically. My family and I were terrified that I might never regain full use of my hands (based on a diagnosis of fibromyalga). Finally, a psychologist posited a crackpot theory how my mind was causing all this to escape the stress I was getting from Uni and work. The moment I took this seriously, the extreme, constant pain went away within a week. This experience has changed my entire perspective on the medical system, my mind and life in general. The mind-body connection is so much more powerful than you believe
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  3.  @heibk-2019  Not to speak of his prestigious chess career. He even played Championships.
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  4. ​ @impulse894  couldn't have had a more different experience. Worked with 2 female psychologists. The first helped me cure a psychosomatic illness that had already left dozens of doctors clueless. The second straight up admitted to me that she thought men are starting to have it harder in society than women, and is always giving immediately executable, practical advice and explaining everything
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  5. @mikacakes  Thanks, that was really nice to hear. I do want to add that women shouldn't be thinking all men who develop crushes in a friendhip are just starved for affection (not saying you do). I've felt deeply connected to and cared by women I have platonic relationships with. What you said might read to some women who don't want guys' attention that they can't show them this kind of caring. And truth is, it definitely works, and it's not their responsibility. But the fewer women take those bullets, the more men are isolated from a healthy gender dynamic. And if you're capable of setting boundaries, VERY few guys will not respect them
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  6.  @mailysablubb9207  I 100% agree if the guy said it and meant it that way. That's an unambiguously shitty thing to say. But she uses this case as a representative for her rejection of dudes, which I just don't think it is.
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  7. i really disagree. I have a friend who is EXACTLY like 5up, and I wondered for years who much emotion this guy had to be surpressing to come off so detatched. I tried to dig in, uncover the trauma. I've always been able to do this with people, and with him there was nothing. I've finally come to understand that this is simply how his brain is different. The way we understand each other is by literally projecting ourselves onto other people, then accounting for the variables that are different in their lives.This works with most people, but occasionally there are some so radically different that our mind can't IMAGINE theirs on an emotional level, just on a logical one. And i think Dr K recognized this very early.
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  8. The fact that a professional would behave like this is mind boggling. It flies in the face of everything therapy is meant to be. I'm really good at communicating my emotions but I'd definitely be fucked up with these kind of experiences
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  9. I feel like getting a second date is actually very easy. I'm funny and good at deeptalk so it's pretty much a non issue. Almost all my first dates have had followup. Now, getting a first date? Fucking nightmare. Tinder is useless. I go to volleyball, choir, christian young adult meetup (tho I'm not even christian) and it's still not happening
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  10.  @ficklebar  Well first, I had to accept some truths. Number one, I was overworked. This didn't make a lot of sense because I had been working ~6h a day, but it was true. I did computer science, which was waaay more taxing for me than normal jobs. In practice, this meant that if I felt too stressed or tired, I would simply stop whatever I was doing and try to relax instead, consequences be damned. Number two, this wasn't working. I needed to switch subjects because CS didn't fit me as a person, I like working with other people and being outside and doing different things. On the emotional side of things, I had to accept that my family cared about my well being more than my success. I thought that if I got poor marks or switched I would be a failure, which my parents assured me they didn't care about. I had to realize that NOTHING is worse than losing my health. Failing out, disappointing my parents, all of that is better than useless hands and permanent pain. I started moving my hands again, doing more physical exercise (which had always been a part of my life and which I had neglected during uni). I also started seeing a psychological therapist and an ergotherapist. A lot of my recovery and choices were enabled by the fact that I live in Austria, which has a great public healthcare system. So I don't know how much you can apply to your own situation, but I wish you all the best.
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  11. Based. As a European my heart goes out to Americans and their literal 3rd world problems
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  12. your comment feels really weird to me. unless he's literally lying, there's no reason to indicate this guy would have any trouble in the job market. He already has experience in graphic design, a high SAT and a very work-oriented demeanor (not to mention huge and rapid success on a growing online platform). Does he need a PhD to open a pastry shop? And what if he works for his mom's company - does that imply he's not doing any meaningful work that would be payed well anywhere?
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  13. I'm in a very similar situation and getting better. I think it's important to understand that how immoral you are isn't necessarily your choice. At the same time, like you said, all these things are your responsibility. Though it's easier for you to forget something, or be late, you have to find strategies (that normal people might not need) that help you overcome these things. While you didn't choose to be in this situation, you're still the only one who can improve it, and you know how you'll be worse for it if you don't
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  14. toxic masculinity originated from academia and just refers to a toxic aspect of what society defines as "masculinity". This has no biological strings attached. Toxic feminity is just as much of a thing, it's just not as often discussed because it's themes (like gossip, manipulation, etc) are already present in a lot of media. To any man who feels offended by toxic masculinity, I suggest you stop feeding your insecurities.
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  15. I think you misunderstand Dr K here. Detatchment is negative when it's used as a coping mechanism, which leads to burying feelings deeply. But a guy once became the ultimate form of detatched - and started buddhism. So Dr K isn't saying detatchment is inherently good, just that it's good in 5up because it seems to be his natural state.
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  16. As Johnny Sins, I just want you to know that I also benefit from Dr K
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  17. My parents have always lived such a healthy relationship that I've become effectively immune to most kinds of manipulation. I've never been gaslighted, never been cheated on, had my last toxic friendship 11 years ago when I was 13, and just generally never felt deceived in any relationship. I used to think this was pretty normal and was horrified to learn what kind of other shit people were dealing with. None of this was explicitly taught to me, though. I feel like just watching my parents do it the right way was enough, because when I saw someone do it the wrong way, it felt so alien to me that I got put off immediately. And I completely relate to the trolling😂 I'll see people try to trigger me and figure out my insecurities to manipulate me, and I can't help but be amused and play along because it's so hilariously obvious. I still haven't figured out if that's mean on my part or warranted, but either way, very funny
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  18.  @goodluck2522  yes but this is not a job interview, how did you get the impression 5up was trying to show off his experience? He just casually mentioned what he does. We have no way of knowing how good a graphic designer he is, you just assume he's bad. And pastries are hard, so what? Every good chef started at some point, why not at 21? You seem indignant towards someone you know nearly nothing about.
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  19. i love that i have yt premium too
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  20. ​ @samuelberges8745 ok bro let's not bullshit ourselves, I'm a dude who's been watching Dr K for 5 years and the misogyny in the comments outweighs the misandry at 10 to 1 easily. You're not looking hard enough
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  21. I love how dr K unifies human compassion and empathy with class consciousness. Avoiding privilege and societal factors when talking about mental health is cowardice, and often a misguided attempt to "keep politics out of it". On the flipside, political content creators are often class- and race-reductionist, and tend to wield their righteous political rage like a blunt axe rather than a sharp stiletto.
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  22. I used to study CS and it was a rough experience. I've since learned how I made mistakes and how it probably wasn't the best decision, but also that the field has its own faults. It's filled with students who have no time whatsoever and only meet online to play video games, which as a pretty social person just didn't work for me. I know a lot of Math students who meet in person to do homework, or simply something fun. I really hope that CS culture changes and becomes more mainstream, so that people who aren't super introverts feel included
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  23. not "just" be strong. Be strong.
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  24. That's just so unapologetically savage
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  25. Sorry, I'm more of a dog person
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  26. You just told me you had depression, that's gotta be at least 3 points
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  27.  @MrDink-wn4mg  No one using that term is saying men are worse than women
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  28. I've never been addicted to porn or fapping in my life and I've never felt bad about doing them, yet I somehow I've been inspired to start a streak
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  29. My god this has been such a long time coming. I have NEVER incrementally built a habit in my life. I eat healthy, exercise every day, meditate, play piano, study computer science and teach chess, and none of that shit was done because I read atomic habits or whatever. I was forced into playing piano as a kid, now a kawaii just stand in the living room and it's easy to sit down and play. I never got into the habit of buying sweets or sodas. Exercise was always fun, there was never a struggle. I was depressed and addicted to video games, what did I do? 9 month civil service, full time, no chance to play video games. To this day, I almost always eat something sweet if I even see it. I get hooked on a video game or series for hours on end. I never built a habit, I never even incrementally beat an addiction, I just introduced drasting changes to my environment that forced me to live a certain lifestyle. Thanks for finally speaking out about this.
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  30.  @LiveGoodMemories  exactly, yeah. I do believe that most detatched people are how you describe in your first comment, but my friend made me understand that there can be exceptions
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  31.  @imacds  This is something I've actually noticed, and I'm really actually interested to know why. I am super upfront and communicative, but this isn't something attractive. I have learned that you can never express the full scope of your feelings to a girl or this will immediately turn her off. Instead, as a hetero man, you have to play this game of showing just enough for her to know you might be interested, but still little enough that she can't be sure where this is going. Women, including my psychologist, have confirmed (obviously, some women are different, I'm painting with a broad brush here). Then, when it feels right, you go in for the kiss. Finally, if she's into it, you can be more upfront.
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  32. Dr K wasn't implying 5up is perfect, just that he had some rare skills that are conducive to great success on a societal level. And Dr K was explicitly arguing you should NOT sacrifice your own well being to do societal good, but rather that you should find a synergy of the two. Like maybe being a doctor would make you unhappy, but being a teacher would make you happy, so do that. His message to 5up was ultimately: If you search for a purpose, you might find one that takes you above pastry-baking, and the world will be better because of it. And I think this triggers you because you believe you have good stats and are wasting your time when you could be fulfilling a higher purpose ;)
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  33. This is the most important advice. I was dating a girl from Choir, now I started Volleyball this semester and I'm dating a girl from there, might even be more soon xD. Also, these are super attractive, fit, intelligent girls. I'm extremely average looking but go to the gym and do sports. I try to have fun at these social events and that is really all it takes to successfully ask girls out. I've been on Tinder for 6 months and only got 1 date so far. Social events and clubs is THE way to go
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  34. genius!
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  35. I'm studying to become a teacher in Austria and I teach chess classes for elementary school students. There's some people championing teachers here that claim therapizing is not their job, that they're not being paid enough. I agree that teachers in the US are paid abysmally and are overworked, so it's pointless to put that responsibility on them. However, the idea that you signed up to be a "teacher, not a social worker" is laughable. Teachers ARE social workers. That's the difference between them and a didactics scholar. Paying attention to kids' emotional needs is intrinsic to being a teacher. If you deny this, that's fine, stay in academia, but you're not fit to be a teacher. However, the solution is not to expect the impossible from overworked teachers, but create a more humane teaching environment and pay better, like in Scandinavia and central Europe
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  36. I think Dr. K is quite aware of that
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  37. Dr K... post some boring, unprovocative thumbnails, to make sure the videos get buried under by the algorithm
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  38. Well there's always someone on to relate to... maybe it's ok one time to have this guy who is op, maybe understanding how this person is gifted can also help us
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  39.  @Gt3ch  suit yourself
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  40.  @june7053  Hey, hope you aren't bothered by the offensive hypocrites attacking your comment :). I slightly disagree with what you said, here's why. So first off, I agree there's SOME measure of vetting that should take place. Also, trying to a-politicize a collaboration with a huge media figure is naive and misguided. That said, Dr. K would be undermining his own platform if he questioned train on such dicey topics as misogyny etc. In the end, it's a weigh-off between platforming hateful views and spreading mental health. You may be right he shouldn't appear in the first place, but I would argue having Alok challenge his views would do more harm than good.
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  41.  @timxiix3864  Really does sound like 5up. I find it hard to relate though, because personally I'm filled with inner drive to make the world a better place... I think the difference is, I make a lot of effort to get acquainted with the ugly of the world, and to emphasize with those affected. Like climate change, labor alienation, systemic injustice, etc - it makes me feel like if I don't do something, we're fucked. Like, royally fucked, fucked on an unimaginable scale of suffering. This sort of existential feeling overpowers any kind of personal meanderance, and it gives me purpose. Make of this whatever you will :)
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  42.  @bhan5629  I'm baffled how you can not understand that... have you never had a crush reject you? Did you want to remain friends after that? I'm actually friends with multiple girls I've had crushes on, because they expressed interest in remaining friends. However, I needed to distance myself first and have some time to move on. Would you want to be friends with someone who you knew wants more than that and is suffering in your presence because of it?
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  43. Well "addicted" already implies it's bad in some way, but masturbation up to twice per day is totally fine and part of a healthy sexuality (Not for all people!). Or that's what my psychologist said at least
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  44. Curiously, Dr. K fails to mention the most effective form of contraception: me
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  45. guys, abandon the porn debate. I did some research and it seems that there is no conclusive evidence on whether porn is overall more positive or negative. Try to figure out your own relationship to it or talk to a therapist (which may not be necessary). As for advice, the best I can give is don't always trust it coming from people like me. I've always been fairly confident and outgoing, so I can easily explain what the solution looks like but not how to get there. People like me will bullshit all sorts of stuff about why they succeed in interactions, and they may even be right occasionally, but they did not start where you did and so will by definition have a different path. Hear them out, but take it with a grain of salt. The most pivotal part to me seems self-empathy.
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  46.  @Gt3ch  7/10 psychoanalysis, very elaborate but missing the childhood trauma, like maybe my mom turned me into a narcissistic liar or something
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  47.  @jakecowger6917  You frame feminists as this monolithic group that uses the term in a sort of unjustified antagonism towards men. When you add the fact that you said the average feminist is "not educated", it's clear to me your perspective on feminism probably stems from how right wing pundits portray it online. I am not saying there don't exist women who use the term in unjustified and antagonistic ways, but that these are a fringe minority only represented in SJW-cringe-compilations and the like. I am a dude at uni who is surrounded by feminists, and nobody here hates men. If you want to stop feeling offended by the term, just stop watching those who misuse it. Clearly, Dr K is using it the way it's supposed to be. I just want to add that most feminists aren't saying MEN are opressing women, but SOCIETY is (which is a huge difference). Also, feminism in no way rejects the idea that men are being oppressed in some way, it just focuses on women. It's like saying veganism rejects pro-abortionism.
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  48.  @Idkmaybeeeeee  wish you well, remember not to be harsh on yourself
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  49.  @Rengarsus  I really hope you're not a psychologist. At first I was neutral but now I'm kinda concerned... stay in good health man. I know you will perceive this as patronizing, i really do wish you luck tho
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  50.  @ItsAsparageese  Yeah well reading your other comments you sound even more like an absolute champ, you should be writing articles on this topic. With your personal experience, your rhetoric skills and your intelligent way of navigating discourse you have the power to change a lot of minds. Wish you good health from Austria✌🏼
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