Comments by "" (@resir9807) on "HealthyGamerGG"
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@Ehrill942 I associate romantic feelings with a lot of hurt, as many men do. There is a huge imbalance between the genders in the sense that if a girl really wants a man, she has a huge likelihood of getting him. However, most guys know what it's like to fall in love over and over again just to be rejected. The idea that I might fall in love with a girl and she would reciprocate feels like a fairytale to me.
So you kinda learn to kill that part of yourself. I spend a lot of effort regulating my emotions and shutting down romantic feelings. At the point I'm at, I don't even pursue girls anymore, I just wait till one likes me and then decide whether I want to reciprocate or not.
Romance is also a skill, and not an easy one. Many guys feel it but don't know how to show it. How do you do a romantic gesture?
You can't be too straightforwards, it comes off as crass and overly attached.
You can't be too vague, it comes off as manipulative.
You can't be too touchy, it comes off as creepy.
You can't be too little touchy, it comes off as cold and uninterested.
Girls experience so much more romantic attention that they learn these skills intuitively. Like, when I was 20 and at a party, there was this girl that was into me that kept shadowing me and constantly talking at me. That was the first time I went, holy shit, this is kind of annoying, that's definitely something I've been doing and UNDERSTANDABLY getting rejected for. But you were probably in your early teens when you first experienced something like this.
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@roquemaciel No, and I'm very happy that I've stopped listening to people like you. Disingenuous listeners give disingenuous advice. The more I've talked to my real women friends about this the past year, the more I've learned how much blame I've been internalizing. I used to think that if a woman perceives me as distrustful, I must be doing something wrong and she must be right. Now I realize that I've been taking responsibility for other people's issues.
But I HAVE been doing something wrong - getting too emotionally invested in something that wasn't there, simply due to a lack of experience. The more experience I'm getting, the better I'm getting at reading signs and evaluating situations, and also realizing that there was never any avoiding this process. You start painfully as a noob and become better and better.
So I completely reject this framing of me treating relationships transactionally. I have never lied, deceived, ghosted, disrespected, crossed boundaries or denied anyone an explanation. Take your holier-than-thou guilt tripping somewhere else, this is the kind of shit that's been holding me back for no reason
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@Dimitris_Half Well rome had great infrastructure. The food was mediterranian, possibly the healthiest diet in the world. A huge part of the roman army were volunteers or conscripts from conquered territories, so as a citizen, you weren't cannon fodder. Rome built stuff like colosseum arenas and public baths for, mind you, not just the elites but the public, who had the free time to make use of them.
Obviously, you had a fair shot of catching smallpox at 30 and dying. That's the big counterpoint.
In the modern USA, if you're actually middle class, of course you live a way better life. But if you're a poor working class Andy, like many are... you spend most of your time inside a building doing some highly specialized menial activity drains the life from your soul. You come home, pump some opioids or numb yourself with alcohol, spend time on the internet or in front of the TV which doesn't give you any happiness. You don't have health insurance or it's shitty, so you die at 50 from a heart attack anyway.
There's a debate to be had here
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