Comments by "Elaine R" (@elainer8288) on "PsycHacks"
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I think most of the time the problem is that sex for men begins in the bedroom and for women it starts way before that. In the beginning, the circumstances lead to what women want: the context + the sex. The context being: going out, dinner together, a lot of conversation, maybe flowers, a simple gift, some compliment, companionship, spending time doing other fun things together and a man who is a gentleman. All man do this in the beginning and then, they stop, since "the job is done" and they don't need to put in all this "effort" anymore. A lot of married women feel they are now trapped: the guy just wants something raw, just a "little relief" and throw all the rest away. And then the men say the women are not "fullfilling their obligations" in the marriage, which makes it all worse. They don't understand that it s because they took all the fun of it for the woman removing the "context." The video above ilustrates this point by saying that it is possible to get "all the rest" (companionship, etc from other sources), but for a woman the whole package has to be inside the relationship for the sex to be good. Or else, they just feel frustrated and lose interest. Sex for a woman is the final result of a long process with many phases of connection and most man don't get that at all and just want to skip to the final phase, which is really frustrating and boring for a woman. Even if men do a lot and are very good husbands, many times they do not give the woman what she wants (context) and they start to feel like they are not being appreciated, respected, they feel offended and feel like the guy just wants a sex slave, although this is not true most of the time. It is just how a woman feels if she doens't get "the context" anymore.
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Hi, I am woman, I am over 30 and I can tell you: Never in my life have my feelings for a man changed. Never. The most important thing is: make sure she really loves you. If a woman loves you, it will never stop. Unless the man is physically agressive, verbally abusive or a cheater. Woman's emotions change, but the feelings are very stable. I have broken up with men I liked that: were crazily jealous (not in a cute way, in a crazy way), verbally abusive, cheated, etc. Never because my feelings changed. Emotions can be unstable, but feelings are not.
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Hi! I am sorry to intrude, but as a woman, maybe I can help. I think your wife is just too busy and tired with so many kids and the house. It can be very exhausting and leave you with no energy at all. In the stories where a man leaves for this reason, nobody understands the woman either. She is just beyond exhausted. If you can, hire a nanny on Fridays so she can rest and take her out on a date to have dinner and maybe go to a movie. Bring her flowers. She needs a boyfriend in order to be a girlfriend again. Women need the "magic", the context, the "before" they get into the mood. They need to talk and feel like a person again, not like someone who is just available for sex. Try her routine one day on Saturday taking care of the house and kids and tell her to go shopping, do something for herself. Make her feel appreciated. And by doing this, you will understand how tired she is and even you won't have the energy to have sex on that day! I can assure you that. Men forget that for a woman sex does not start in the bedroom. It starts way before that. I hope it helps. She doens't want to feel she has just obligations with the house, kids and being available for sex. This kind of sex with no going out, conversation, companionship, understanding is not satisfying for women.
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