Comments by "" (@kellygreenii) on "PsycHacks" channel.

  1.  @ShimmerBodyCream  Smh. The more you dig in the more you make my point for me. This isn’t quantum physics. This is simply a man asking a woman what it is that attracts them sexually/romantically to a man…and you can’t get a straight answer. Layer…upon layer… upon complexities. To what is a simple question. My point is that is not in a woman’s BIOLOGICAL self-interest to give men a straight answer to this simple question. Because muddying the waters gives women the most power and the most maneuvering room. As a group you do it instinctively.
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  2.  @manher4335  Yep. Right on target. I had realized that about her before. A real powder keg of anger, and low-key disrespectful behavior. Just never imagined that she’d completely lose it in reaction to a really innocuous compliment. I want even after anything, I was literally just making small talk and wanted to be nice. Only to have her go off like a malfunctioning nuke. I think she eventually realized that she’d made a complete @ss of herself. Because the next time I saw she was MUCH nicer than she typically was. I didn’t care either way because I knew I was dealing with someone damaged.
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  3. The power of mindfulness.
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  4.  @popejaimie  In an asylum without walls, sanity sounds like madness. Keep trying. The more you insult me, the more you prove my point with your behavior….
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  5.  @parrotshootist3004  I find the hypocrisy between “I’m strong and independent”…and “I need to be protected from the stress of adult life”? Both fascinating and sad. Especially when they don’t see how utterly irrational it is. It’s like watching an 8 year old claim that something is unfair simply because it didn’t give them the result they wanted. But no, I call that behavior you’re talking about, “weaponized victimhood”.
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  6.  @ShimmerBodyCream  I think it reflects a lack of self-awareness at best. Disingenuousness at worst. One, why would you date someone you aren’t attracted to? Two, why would you not find someone who has the qualities you say you want attractive? As a result men are forthright about what they find attractive in a women, while when you ask women you get this guessing game. And their friend zones pile up with guys who think they have a chance because the women want time and attention from them. But without being honest that they don’t because they aren’t considered attractive.
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  7.  @theBear89451  No, I haven’t. It is impossible to have a victim’s mindset (identity) WITHOUT an external locus of control. If you don’t have a mindset that life is something that happens TO you rather than something you DO, it is impossible to feel that others have more control over your life than you do. Now the flip side of your argument is codependency and fused relationships. Thay external locus of control is the foundation of a lot of unhealthy relationship dynamics.
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  8.  @DeltaV64  She’s not smart enough to reason it out that far…
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  9.  @0rnery0verwatch  Yeah, I’m even running into the occasional 40-something who still behaves that way? 🤷🏾‍♂️
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  10.  @popejaimie  Right, triggered. Go sell that to someone who doesn’t know any better.
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  11.  @dappiduck  Pre-selection. That ga t that you had proof that another woman was willing to bear his child and he values that child raised his status and attractiveness in your eyes.
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  12.  @elizabethmansfield3609  “How do you tame a horse? You give it lots of room, and then you watch it. Make the area too large and it will not feel safe. Make the area too small and it will chafe at the confinement and knock down the fences. The area has to be the right size so that the horse does not feel confined, but can also feel the watchful eye upon it.” ——Zen aphorism. “Freedom is found from within structure.” —-Zen koan. Thank you for agreeing with me. I have a brother-in-law that leads my sister in the same way. She doesn’t feel confined, but she is always under his watchful, protective eye. You can feel it around him. It was one of the first things I noticed about him. The zone of quiet, calmness he created around himself…and how he is always quietly watching. Like a shepherd. His leadership is so skillful that you only notice it when you look closely and look for it. That’s what good leadership looks and feels like.
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  13.  @Underachiever_Files  Yes, but you can call out the immaturity of men without the “M-word” getting thrown in your face, or getting cancelled by an online mob. You don’t get this attitude of “How dare you hold me accountable.”from men as a rule. Or this sense they should be free to do as they please and never experience any consequences…
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  14.  @annaandrea8320  True. The point is that men tend to be way more forthcoming about what attracts them to women than the other way around. Unless you understand that women only start looking at character once their attraction triggers have been met, men can easily be misled into thinking that women find character attractive. Which is why I tell guys to not listen to what she says, but to watch what she does instead.
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  15. Actually the sixth sense is in knowing how to effectively avoid any healthy ones.
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  16. Hint: What are your parents (or whoever you were closest to growing up) like? What traits about them—both very good and very bad—-stand out in your mind? Understand that, and I’ll bet you’ll start to see a pattern emerge in the type of person you are attracted to. As well as those who you are not. As for the physical features you’re describing? Height, symmetric face, fitness, confident, assertive? That’s our biology talking. Those are all makers of good genes, good health, and a man that is like to be able to provide for and protect a family. Which is not the same as someone who is likely to make a satisfying partner in a long term relationship. But thank you for being honest. In my experience, many women are in the same boat you are. They are unaware of the disconnect between what collection of traits they say they want in a long term partner, and those found in the men they keep finding themselves attracted to. Which is why I say to not listen to what a woman says she wants. Watch and see who she is drawn to. Her actions will reveal the truth.
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  17.  @olafweyer859  It means you don’t take responsibility for her happiness or compromise your dignity or core values. IOW, you don’t put her on the proverbial pedastal. It won’t make her happy (that’s her job) and she’ll often lose respect for you even attempting it. That doesn’t mean you won’t be her cheerleader or be there to help or to pick her up when she stumbles. You just don’t do what she needs to be doing for herself.
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  18. “What is drama but Life with the dull bits cut out?” —-Alfred Hitchcock. Healthy relationships are boring. People of sound character are predictable. They do what they say. They say what they mean. They are consistent and principled. So people who insist that relabe “exciting” are deliberately choosing people who are inconsistent, unpredictable and unstable. Then get frustrated and upset when this results in poor treatment …and get mad when other people point this fact out to them. All men are not toxic. Some women just desire them. “Your problem isn’t that you keep meeting alcoholics. Your problem is that you keep giving them your phone number. “ ——Al-Anon..
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  19. Because it was an adolescent understanding of freedom and equality…that still hasn’t grown up yet.
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  20.  @EMO_alpha  With so many people going out after meeting on dating apps? That is the sensible approach to avoid wasting a lot of time and resources at best….or getting ruthlessly taken advantage of at worst. You don’t know this person, so it makes no sense to expend a lot of resources on a first meeting. Anyone who disagrees with that is more interested in getting at the resources than actively getting to know the person. Red flag.
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  21.  @popejaimie  Swing and a miss. One of my longest running friendships is with a woman. Try again.
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  22.  @Level_Eleven  They are trying to rationalize what is a common mating strategy.
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  23.  @annaandrea8320  Thank you for making my point. There are a number of different mating strategies that humans use, that you see analogs of in other species. These mate selections are only a “problem” because we no longer live as the hunter-gathers that we did for most of the 4 million years of our evolution. A world where half of all children died before the age of 5, and maternal mortality during childbirth was very real, and there was no contraception. So mate selection was about SURVIVAL and effective procreation…not “happiness” or “love”. Those are higher order needs that only become relevant once our survival needs are met. So women evolved to have a strong preference for traits that bespoke good genes (hotness), and then someone who would be a strong provider and protector. Only—like in modern American pro athletes—-men with those traits may not necessarily be very nice people to be around. But a million years ago, niceness was a luxury that few could afford. Whereas civilization has created a different environment that selects for different traits.
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  24.  @SageWords2027  Again, slicing the salami very thin. We all can be attracted to people we don’t like, as well as like people that we aren’t attracted to. But when a guy asks a woman what they find attractive in a man they are looking for those traits that are both sexual and relationally attractive…and men NEVER get a simple, straight answer to the question. The fact that they don’t keeps men in the dark about what women want, and gives women the greater power in the process.
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  25.  @Strike-w6k  Agreed. Hypergamy has had all the traditional guardrails taken off of it. So now, what used to be a very effective strategy to pick the best mate available from a limited number of local options, has morphed into a monster where you have women that feel they “deserve” the best male possible without any regard as to why that man would pick her or what she has to offer him in return besides sex and companionship…. …which every woman has to offer. So the math stops matching. If all women want the top 10% of men, then most women need to “settle” (get realistic about assortative mating). Otherwise, 90% of women will find themselves with lots of cats. Because they we’re left without a chair when the music stopped. So these days you have obese young women insisting “I’m a 10.” Blind to the fact that it is the men who get to decide their attractiveness to men…and guys (especially guys with options) aren’t going to grade on that kind of a curve.
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  26. Bull’s eye. That list of traits are what they want…in the men the find attractive. Not what they find attractive in a man. First get the good genes…then work to get the relational investment from him.
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  27. Because we’ve offered power without responsibility. Freedom without risk or consequence.
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  28. Exactly. The only difference between excitement and anxiety is the anticipated outcome.
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  29.  @James-pl5uc  I didn’t say they were necessary. I just said they make the approach easier…and less anxiety provoking. Women do send out choosing signals. Most guys just miss them, or lack the skill/confidence to follow up on them. The real issue is that people spend so much time interacting with devices and dating apps that they lack the skill and confidence to approach a person out in the wild. Guys don’t can’t approach or build confidence. Women don’t know how to flirt, or how to let a guy down easy if she’s not interested. There has been an erosion of people skills. At the end of the day, it’s easier to fish where the fish are. Instead of just throwing your line in the water and hoping a fish just happens by.
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  30. Which is why so many of them are alone…or unable to find a commitment because they’re sharing the same men. That guy is maybe one guy in a thousand. Especially if you age or ethnic preferences. So that one guy has tons of women throwing themselves at him. So the vast majority of women will have to “settle” (get realistic about their own attractiveness)….or make themselves content with fur babies.
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  31.  @kenyanicholas6809  Yep. If you want a committed relationship, a man has to pick you. So it’s an “insult” that shows how twisted you own world view is. But I remember when feminism was about empowering women with the freedom to choose. Not trying to shame them into conformity. Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss….
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  32.  @MOMO-m0m0  Whenever someone says the word “but”, IGNORE everything they said prior to that word. Everything prior to it is what they think you want to hear (or will make them look good), what comes AFTER that “but” is the truth of what they think or feel. Your gut was right. It was not a sincere apology and she was telling that she didn’t feel that she owed you one. She was just offering up a lame excuse for why she wouldn’t do it. What to do? Realize that she doesn’t respect you, and lacks the maturity/integrity to genuinely apologize when she’s wronged someone…then act accordingly. In my case, that means I walk and don’t look back. YMMV.
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  33.  @Strike-w6k  Which is why you don’t waste time asking questions where you encourage someone to lie to you. Or where you know you’ll never get a straight answer. If you have the traitsz she finds attractive, her actions will let you know. It’s not in her interests to tell you what they are. Just like it’s a waste of time asking a woman how many people she’s slept with. You won’t get a straight answer on that either. Again, plug your ears, and watch what she does. Her actions will tell you what you need to know about her.
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  34. They either get even angrier…or they get confused.
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  35. Men are conditioned to sacrifice themselves for others, and to deny their feelings. At age 28 I had everything I was TOLD I should want…but I was miserable and suffering from a major depression. Why? Trying to run from my family demons had finally exhausted me…. …and I had scrambled up the ladder of success, only to realize it was up against the wrong wall. My voice that told me who I was and what I wanted for myself had been silenced…then commandeered to serve the needs of others. I was living the life they wanted and needed from me. Not what I wanted and needed. So the wheels eventually fell off. I was fortunate enough to have it all fall apart early enough to course correct…then start to face down the demons. But other men go much longer and farther on in self-denial and lack of self-care before the facade finally cracks.
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  36.  @xxczerxx  it’s neither unless you are trying to get a woman to do something that is not in her best interests. Otherwise it’s just understanding how human courtship works. She’s going to choose based on how she feels rather than what she thinks…. …and that is precisely what Mother Nature wants her to do.
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  37.  @Cee_Eff  “The central tenet of the human drama is: The Whole World Must Change So That I Can Stay The Same.” —-Eckhadrt Tolle. You’ll die waiting for women to change their nature. You can choose to sit out the game…or learn how to play it better. Approaching women is like being a hitter in baseball. Even the best fail more than they succeed. But skill and knowledge reduce the odds of failure and increase the odds of success. …and yeah you have to have the qualities and skill to capitalize on her interest.
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  38. So is the notion that you will find everything you need in one magical person. In years past we used to live with extended family in long-standing communities. So we were able to get our needs met through a network of relationships. Instead of insisting they be provided by a single person. Which is an impossible burden to put on someone who has their own life and their own needs.
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  39. It can be explained. It just takes time, experience and self-awareness to be able to do it. I grew up with an emotionally abusive mother. So I find myself getting the “tingles” around women who put out a vibe of anger. Either someone who will express it explosively, or someone who shows it by being cold and withholding. So at this stage of my life, that “feeling” is actually a warning to move away, rather than move closer. The healthier relationships that I have the attraction is quieter and grows over time as a slow boil. In short, many of us feel a strong pull to people who have traits similar to the parent or caregiver that we had the most difficult relationship with. It feels like “home” and what we were taught “love” was. For better or worse. That is why that kind of rapid attraction is not a choice. But it is also not something we are required to listen to.
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  40.  @lashedbutnotleashed1984  No. men who keep finding themselves with toxic women are drawn to them. Just like women who keep finding themselves with toxic men are.
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  41.  @Captain_MonsterFart  Same. It’s kind of dehumanizing, really…
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  42. Thanks. I needed to be reminded of this today. I call it The Cosmic Joke: The World Has Nothing To Give You…That You Aren’t Already. I think that is what Lord Buddha realized under The Bodhi Tree. All the world has to offer are experiences and opportunities to express who you are. Love is a gift given. A decision to care for someone else’s wellbeing as much as your own. The problem is that what most people think of as love is actually Pleasure. So once the interaction stops being fun and stops feeling good? They’re out and back to the chase for those good feelings.
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  43. Yes. Because I became MGTOW years before there was a name for it. I looked at the landscape of women available to me as a male professional…and none of them were appealing. None of them had the character I wanted in a mother of my children, or brought anything to the table that made my life better. All I was getting was headache, heartache, chaos and drama. The juice wasn’t worth the squeeze. How did we get here? Simple. Feminism wanted the power and freedom of men…but none of the stresses or responsibilities that went with that role. One of which is: The higher your status, the more likely you are going to have to marry DOWN if you want a partner. Because the math doesn’t work any other way. But so many women engage in magical thinking so they act as if there is an endless supply of high-status men…and that they “shouldn’t” have to compete for access to them. That’s as absurd as a guy thinking that he can sit on a couch all day playing video games and the supermodels should just “love and accept him” as he is. Yeah…right. Let me know how that works out for you… Women are slowly waking up. They are starting to understand that part of what they want to call “the patriarchy” involved men SHIELDING women…especially affluent women…from many of the harsh realities of life. So out they go into the world… they get their bag…and now they are looking around wondering where are all the things I was promised that went along with it. Sorry. You became the man you wanted to marry, only to find out that you now have few—if any—of what he wants in a wife. Why would I want to work 60-70 hours a week, only to come home and get into a power-struggle with some who thinks I should be doing just as much housework. Even thou she’s working 20-30+ fewer hours than I am OUTSIDE the home. Women want modern when it works to their benefit…and tradition when that works to their benefit….and that is a raw deal for a man. Because it means all of the responsibilities that went with the traditional male role, but with none of the powers and privileges that went with it. Naaah. I’m good…
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  44.  @palomadare9960  No. The problem is that I’m sane in a land where crazy is the norm….
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  45. Should is predictive of the future, not reconstructive of the past. That makes a lot of sense.
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  46.  @CoramDeo1977  He’s right. Men tend to arrange themselves in hierarchies. Women tend to organize themselves in circles. Circles are great for strengthening relationships between t are wildly inefficient at getting things done. Hierarchy is very efficient at getting things done, but can be rough on personal bonds. “Because I said so!” Generally doesn’t go over very well.
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  47.  @annaandrea8320  I don’t speak meme. Make your point…
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  48.  @Strike-w6k  Because, before modern times, it was of survival value to any group to optimize the reproductive strategies of its female members. More, stronger, healthier children. But now that the traditional safeguards on this have been removed it’s starting to cause more problems than it’s solving.
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  49.  @annaandrea8320  It’s not a contradiction. It’s a recognition that the 4 million years of living in the wild have had more of an impact on mate selection than 5000 years of civilization. What are “bad” characteristics in a mate in a safe, industrialized Europe with contraception, state-sponsored health-care, plentiful food and energy (all your survival needs can easily be met) are not the same as those living in the wild where you will have to bear three children just to see one survive to adulthood. And the only food you will get is what food you can gather, grow, hunt…and defend from predators and bandits. In that setting, a make a poor mate choice and you and your children either starve because you can’t find enough food or can’t prevent it from being taken away from you.
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  50.  @NordicHyperborean  Daddy issues and a craving for male attention. For women like that the need for attention is almost an addiction…and getting it from one man will never be enough.
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