Comments by "" (@modickens1272) on "PsycHacks" channel.

  1. It's true, as the saying goes " expectations are the root of all suffering "
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  2.  @derrick2181  Sarah is an example of a broke clock being right twice a day. Occasionally she has validity to her points, but her main debate attributes are gaslighting, personal anecdotes that tend to be exceptions versus the rule, and emotionally driven " reasoning."
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  3. You know that's very true. I think often this why in relationships or friendships that have faded people's memories of the relationship can be completely opposite in sentiments. One person may remember the kind acts, the other may only remember a rude comment or behavior that ended it. Each took something different. I think what causes a person to takeaway certain things is based on what they felt they needed to take. A persons self image, or dreams, or desires all factor into what they decide is important. A cynic may takeaway a negative comment or behavior to justify their worldview, a dreamer may remember a positive act or gesture that helped propel them forward.
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  4.  @punchforpound2808  I think what helps when trying to nip it in the bud is by either using humor or by asking a question that relates to feelings of how the behavior would make her feel if done to her . The voice tone is important to say calmly. And if none of these work, leaving must be considered even if married in my opinion.
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  5. In regards to marriage, mutual commitment is almost impossible when a scenario exists that incentivizes one partner to break it and another to stay due to potential financial loss/gain. It starts off immediately as an imbalance of power in the eyes of the court. Thus the reason its avoided by most sane people with more to lose than the other. If divorce wasn't an option or punishable by prison time, youd see even less of " commitment "
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  6. " You can deny reality, but you cannot deny the consequences from denying reality" -- Ayn Rand
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  7. Absolutely. If a person doesn't have real problems the mind will create some. To be human is to want to overcome challenges. Without challenge the mind stagnates and creates non issues to solve. When it comes to cancer and mortality, people are always more cautious when they have something to lose. For example a person might not skydive if they have a family and believe they have 50 years of life left. Same as a person with 50k in the bank will usually not spend money as impulsively as someone with only 20 dollars. Why? Because he has more to lose. It's the illusion of greater loss that prevents people from taking risks or ignoring trivial matters that prevents true living in most of society. The less you have, the less you have to lose. Whether it's time or money, and with that knowledge there's a perceived greater freedom.
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  8.  @psychacks  that is interesting and fascinating about how most people are running on outdated operating systems from years back in regards to self image. I can see that point, like a person who never felt good enough, still feeling that way years later after having achieved external success. Seems a person's insecurities can follow them their whole life.
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  9. Totally agree! I have always said explaining that the engine is missing from a car, still won't make it run. Knowing the cause of a problem in no way fixes it, though it can. Being someone who enjoys drinking and smoked for 24 years, I can say, in my opinion it is nothing but pure boredom or dissatisfaction that causes most bad habits. And most people that successfully quit something , only do so when they become bored with the habit itself and all the rituals required to maintain it. Or they've found something to replace it with. Its similar to obsessions. Ive rarely known a person with obsessions to end an obsession for a particular thing or person, without replacing it with someone or something else. The stalker for example may stop obsessing over an ex girlfriend only when he's become fixated on a new woman. The drug addict may stop obsessing over how to get his next fix by obsessing over a new exercise program. In my opinion a person never stops being addicted. What changes is what they're addicted to. Because the root cause ( boredom) will always resurface.
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  10.  @janedoe3648  yes but rarely is it mutual. Ones usually more into the other person than the other.
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  11.  @psychacks  I believe that. I think nothing kills sex like a long term relationship. I believe that long term monogamy isn't in natures best interest. Short term perhaps, but long term I think monogamy is disadvantageous to the species in regards to reproductive strategies.
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  12. I agree with all of this. What Ive noticed is most people lack self awareness even when its pointed out. For example a person on social media might make a post of a meme that says " people can't be trusted" or " kick toxic friends to the curb" or " I gave you my all but didn't care" never once considering they've at one time been that someone that was considered toxic, or didn't care about someone who cared about them, etc. Its not that they don't look inward, its just that they're looking at themselves in a filtered manner. In an odd way sometimes sociopathic individuals actually can easier admit their flaws than the general public so long as narcissism isn't high in their personality flaws. The reason I believe this occurs is because they don't have feelings either way in some issues. An emotional indifference. They'll readily tell you how they were late because they were getting high. How they murdered someone for making them mad. Etc. The need to make excuses for our shortcomings comes from worrying what others think and the need to be harder on others equally negative traits is a desire to elevate ourselves above others. If they get a promotion at work they got lucky or they're sleeping with the boss. If we get a promotion it was our hard work, intelligence, and perseverance that did. In short, we're all a bunch of hypocritical, contradictory let downs 😂
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  13. ​ @HelloWorld-cq1sq  they want it all. That's not the point. Its just as the clock runs out on youth, they prioritize the schlub with a 401k and dental plan. Sure, if they had their choice they'd pick a buff werewolf billionaire that is also a rockstar and CEO who likes kittens, but they'll settle for Kenny in sales.
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  14. Technology, credit cards, restaurants/fast food, pornography, social programs have all made relationships more obsolete. However even the ones you see today are usually resource motivated on the womans part. Our grandparents generation weren't more moral or loving, it was simply necessity as you mentioned. Human nature doesn't change, only the times do. However once men no longer have the incentive to provide for a family, society will erode. Men as a whole will not take the risky high paying jobs as much, nor attend colleges or trade schools. There's no point really if you don't have to provide for a family, as men in general are totally fine with sparse furnishings, basic clothes, small dwellings and an older reliable vehicle. The effects of this societal shift will really be seen in 25 to 50 years, perhaps less. When infrastructures began to collapse, fewer homes are built, less airline pilots, oil workers, construction, plumbers, doctors, etc.
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  15.  @nietzschesmuse  exactly. Whenever someone says they " hate drama" or whatever, rest assured its usually because they hate competition. If they hate liars, expect some lies. People in general are hypocritical however realizing that prevents a self aware person from saying " I hate x,y,z" when someone says they hate games, its because they're starting to lose at them. But when they were winning, better believe they played them.
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  16. But it's all about perception. Being better or of great value is subjective to the individual doing the observing. Brad Pitt, Channing Tatum, Johnny Depp, Elvis Presley all had wives file divorce. So no matter your value, looks etc. Its the perception of the other person of you that determines outcome. Not objective value. You can look like a star, millionaire, intelligent and be dumped for Charles Manson. Yes, in the womans mind Manson might be her better option based on current emotional state, and so she'll choose that. However for a man to assume he can logically be a better value in regards to looks and status and come out ahead is often not true. Using logic rarely applies to humans but even less so with love and women. The high value man has more options short term only. When it comes to romance women are pure mercenaries and previous loyalties, shared memories , histories or mutual interests, mean 0 when she's found someone she PERCEIVES as better.
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  17. Great analysis! I agree that revenge/anger can be a great motivator in succeeding at something. There is something though I have noticed. The desire itself " to show them" or " they'll regret" etc. comes with the assumption that they'll care. Sometimes they do, often they don't. For them to regret or be envious etc. requires a certain amount of caring one way or the other. Even those wanting you to fail requires they care. It's the general indifference of people that can cause our revenge force to flounder if that is the only motivator. Like you say, its important to do it for positive reasons. I saw a video once about " no contact " how it motivates others to reach out. But that too requires care on some level by the other person. Revenge as a motivator is similar. I doubt for example J lo will care about if I succeeded in some regard or if I go no contact on her, even if I knew her personally 😂 I will say though people are often silently envious of many things, social media proves this. So certainly revenge success can hurt a lot of people who resent or didn't believe in your success. We all have a desire to prove the doubters wrong to validate our own self worth and esteem.
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  18. One of your best videos. It requires an open mind to implement it in practice. Its necessary though to have what actual love is. I think the biggest detriment to a true loving relationship is ego and insecurities. Lower the one and the other diminishes as well.
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  19. People spend most of their lives indirectly or directly obsessed with the act of reproduction. Think about it. Thats all this relationship, dating, game, marriage is really about with both genders when you peel away the details. But the reality is, most people are not worth duplicating ( and that also includes the reflection in the mirror, for those wanting a " legacy" or lineage) . Don't believe me? Stroll through Walmart sometime and ask yourself if you'd like two more copies of the people you see? As far as the urge of reproduction, its better to pay for it directly, or get the occasional one night stand. Or whack off. Both genders overcomplicate things in my opinion due to ego and the belief they deserve the best. Newsflash: they don't.
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  20. What if it's not sexless because they're cheating with the neighbors?
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  21.  @shaymalchione809  well I think men care for the reasons the Dr. Mentioned in this video. It also indicates the womans mindset. If she's been with a lot of men that could also indicate commitment issues, flighty personality and impulsivity. Traits not known to make for a long term relationship. Men use the past as an indicator because as the saying goes, there's no better indicator of future behavior than past behavior. It's not that women focus on the future more, as much as they focus in a different way. For example if you were with a man who has a job but you realize he's been fired from all of his past jobs within a year, would you not worry about your future financial stability with said man? Men view women's number of partners the same way. We both just prioritize certain traits differently based on gender to gauge whether there's a future or not.
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  22.  @drinkxyz  agreed, its always better to let your opponent think what occurs is their idea
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  23. As the saying goes " rejection leads to obsession " ....but obsession isn't love.
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  24. Its really true. Many spend their life trying to give it meaning when no meaning or purpose is required. As in the Disneyland analogy nobody goes to Disneyland and seeks the meaning of it. We can choose to give it a purpose in our own minds but its not required. I think people often get caught up in the mindset of meaning or purpose due to other people. ie. wanting to be successful or remembered, or look good etc. And most likely these " purposes " or meanings would not exist if they were the only person on earth. Would a person know they're short or fat, for example without the ability to compare themselves with others? They wouldn't. Life meaning is the same in a way. The ego often seeks purpose in order to be recognized by others. If a person only existed alone on earth they probably would be content with shelter, food, perhaps some animals as friends, but the notion of proving or validating their existence would be viewed as unnecessary most likely. They would just be. And that mindset is what we should have whether alone or with a million people.
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  25. That's all very true. I'd probably be defined as a textbook functioning alcoholic. I drink probably 40 pints of beer a week and have drunk heavily off and on for over 20 years now. I've analyzed my behavior and notice that alcohol doesn't make life easier or alter reality more than when sober, it just allows one not to have to deal with an unhappy reality while drinking. Its sorta an emotional procrastination. The attitude of " I'll deal with the issues later, in the meantime I'll drink" mindset. I also think when sober reality is magnified. You realize how boring and mundane life so often is. It's that facet the alcoholic is often trying to escape from. And it does lead to emotional immaturity. Ive often said alcoholics are just big kids that have replaced the baby bottle with a beer bottle still hoping some bottle will soothe them. I recognize all of this yet continue to drink. I'm sure there's other elements at play too. Karl menninger as you know had certain theories in man against himself. At any rate excellent insight as always.
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  26.  @msBbee-oq7im  implying theres any major difference with women and their motives, is at best naive on your part, and at worst gaslighting. Probably the latter since you're female.
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  27.  @joe7665  good action. Never stay where you are not respected
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  28. You do make some valid points. And I agree that what attracts men is typically making them feel needed, that " they alone" can solve your problems. Many a man has been conned, not by the woman but by his own ego of thinking she really cares or that he is special to her. I use to go to strip clubs in my 20s and observe that men would all try to play the rescuer " let me take you away from here"....take her away from what? 24/7 partying, free drinks, and thousands sometimes in tax free cash nightly? What so she can cook for one guy at home on Friday night? Get real! I always tell men just because you have good looks, kind heart, funny doesn't mean those traits will matter to her. I can say a golden retriever is a friendly dog, but since I don't much care about dogs, its friendliness is irrelevant. Same principles apply to dating far too often.
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  29. Marriage makes sense for many women because from a logical standpoint they tend to benefit, even if it ends in divorce, especially if it ends in divorce. From a logical standpoint there is no reason a man should want marriage, they often only do it for 1 of 2 reasons in my opinion. Codependency, or insecurity ( a desire to possess legally) in both cases they think its love, it's not. The greatest enemy of a man is his ego. Women play on his ego through positive reinforcement ( manipulation) ie. " you're a real man" or negative reinforcement ( reverse psychology manipulation) " I hate weak men who won't step up to the plate and commit" if the man is not careful he will fall into this trap with his ego wanting to be pleased and admired by said woman. Once this occurs its game over. Ive never been married, 0 kids and not one regret about it. I never let my ego override logic in most things though there were times it tried. " she loves me for me" a book I'd recommend for any man and there's many I could recommend is " the predatory female " by Lawrence shannon. It is the most matter of fact book Ive ever read about dating/marriage and what encouraged me to minimize my ego when viewing womens behavior and emotions.
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  30. ​ @msBbee-oq7im  if you define a great woman as one such as yourself, then yes I have been blessed to avoid such " greatness"
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  31. Less people is less problems. Also realize that a lot of motivation to chase is ego based. Its the percieved rejection by the other person that implies one is flawed and so to avoid this hit to self esteem and self worth, one may be tempted to prove their value. Reduce ego, and indifference will be second nature. Indifference to both admiration and rejection. Finally, never care more for people than they allow you to care. If they don't care to leave, you shouldn't either.
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  32. It's never the same whether you're the transgressed or transgressor and we all have been both at different times to different people. Either way its just not the same and certainly doesn't improve with time. The only way it might work is if one developed amnesia. Never try to put the toothpaste back into the tube.
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  33.  @WildMidwest1  fair enough, but narcissists often know more about human nature than the general population because they have to in order to manipulate.
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  34.  @Last_one_before_I_go  but you're genuine with your goal. Which is getting rid of them. Don't worry about the means
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  35. Excellent points. I'd also add that some of the cause for this belief system is that more often than not, people think they are the exceptions to the rule. The belief in being special can blur objective self assessment and also in assessing others. ie. " they've cheated on others, but I don't think they'd cheat on me" or, " they're not responding to my messages because they're shy, busy, playing hard to get" In essence, when you see yourself as special you tend to believe others, if not seeing it at the moment, will in time. It blunts reality and creates optimism with no foundation.
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  36.  @MCharlerySmith  thanks, yes she was murdered stabbed to death, put in the trunk of her car as the son and his girlfriend drove around for 2 days and dumped her in a field when she started to stink up the car. I thought something might be wrong since I hadn't heard from her in 6 months and so I googled her. That's how I found out. She lived in another country I was no longer living in at the time. It was somewhat surreal learning that. It also made me realize the dangers of letting emotions cloud judgment. She had mentioned to me prior how her son had problems occasionally but never specified what. I believe her motherly love for him ignored the red flags of how dangerous he was. Cognitive dissonance in my opinion contributed to her death sadly. Her inability to see her son objectively and the danger he posed. Yet what could she do really? Not speak to him, cut him off? It was perhaps a no win situation.
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  37.  @ace9848  completely agree. Men by nature are more romantic. How many love songs were written by a woman? Hardly none. And yes it's best to spin plates, because rest assured you are never the only man she's talking to.
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  38.  @Sharpswordherald  thanks! You're right.
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  39. Mutual tolerance is optimal but most often, especially nowadays, different interests are viewed as an insult to the other person especially in the matters of politics or religion. Many have a my way or the highway attitude nowadays. My most successful relationships were by being with women that I didn't idealize. Meaning if she had a different upbringing, politics, religion, tv choices, hobbies etc. I didn't care because I was already indifferent when the relationship began. They could've worshipped satan for all I could've cared. But if they had more attraction to me than I them, they wouldn't force their beliefs, lifestyle on me. Mutual tolerance. Plus because I always viewed relationships as temporary, I was more tolerant. We all can deal with the nutcase at the bus station more when we know its momentary. The minute a person starts viewing relationships as " forever " their tolerance decreases excluding arranged marriages where divorce is impossible. Then they look for compromise. When compromise is not required and a person wants forever, they'll often try to mold and power struggle with the other. Just view every relationship as temporary and it has a better chance of lasting.
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  40. This might be a controversial viewpoint, but something Ive recently come to believe is that our lives are a simulation. We are essentially in a video game and there are real NPCs within it. People, if you will that function etc. But have no internal dialogue. They can be homeless or a CEO but they're NPCs nonetheless. Within this video game reincarnation as we think of it in the traditional sense does occur. Its caused by wanting to continue to play the game you might say as a different character. However it doesn't happen to all. Some refuse reincarnation and decide to pull the virtual reality headset off and no longer play the earth game. They return to what we all are which is a point of eternal consciousness. So to not be attached to life is simply accepting that in the traditional sense it's not real. It's a holographic illusion that seems very real much the same way a dream does when we're sleeping. We all have our headsets on each seeing the video game from a different characters perspective. Attachment to the game is the biggest cause of a lack of standards and principles. Someone so obsessed with keeping their mansion will probably be more prone to " sell their soul" as they say than someone sleeping in a tent. The history of Hollywood is a good example. To truly be principled one cannot be attached to this game.
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  41.  Fearlessness University  very good point. They have to be reminded of their submissive role or they can exit stage.
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  42.  @psychacks  Thank you Dr. For the other video suggestions I will check the ones out I haven't seen yet. I agree with you and that makes sense. The admired has no power without the admirer. And you're absolutely right, its impossible to have equality in romantic relationships. One always loves more than the other. I'd also say that this is often the case in friendships also. How often do we say " I helped them with a flat tire, attended their kids graduation, and they can't even wish me happy holidays, yet they always make time for others" I read once in a book at '' selfishness is apt to cause love from others " its contradictory yet isn't the admired person always a little more self centered than the admirer?
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  43. I agree and this phenomenon explains why you could do 5 favors for a friend, say or do 1 negative thing and the friendship may very well end. Especially during these sensitive times, where anything short of praise and adulation can be viewed as a negative experience. I also think expectations play a role, the lower the expectations of any scenario the more likely satisfaction will occur. High expectations may sound good but its also a road to misery especially where people are concerned.
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  44. All great points. There is an element to envy though that I think needs further exploration, and that is the sense of injustice associated with it. As you mentioned it can only be done towards perceived equals. People ask themselves " how do they get x,y,z when clearly I'm smarter, better looking, kinder or whatever " its this sense of injustice that causes the envious person to be destructive. Also there's an element today of people trying to create envy which is just as toxic as a hater. Essentially they are online or social media overt braggarts or humble braggers. Their goal is equally toxic. They can't enjoy their success etc. Without knowing they're better than their peers. Its like a class reunion with a " one upper" . Sometimes envy is caused by a person feeling inferior, sometimes its caused by another person wanting to be superior. Not always, but more often than not, the hater and the hated feed off each other with the same goal : to feel above the other.
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  45. ​ @mbg9650 and even to me
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  46. ​ @rayrwyr they'll not bother marrying if they can't benefit financially from a divorce.
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  47. What you're describing is the push pull method of ' love' it can work. You see it in examples of adults always trying to win the approval of a cold parent, always trying to win love and praise and the more frustrated the harder they try. However, this type of dynamic only works " successfully " in primarily insecure individuals with codependency issues. Doesn't matter if the person is attractive, wealthy, has a million things going for them, they'll be drawn to someone cold and somewhat dismissive, if they have feelings of inferiority. This doesn't just apply to men. Women are equally susceptible, but in both situations in my observations, for this manipulation tactic to work successfully, the " cold" partner must truly love less. If it's an act it'll eventually collapse and the admirer will be turned off once they actually get reciprocal love and respect. Someone with positive self esteem would never tie up with a cold partner long term in the first place. So this primarily will only work on low self esteem individuals. The catch is, that the " cold" partner will actually behave the same way as the admirer once they actually meet someone they admire. As the saying goes " everybody's somebody's fool"
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  48. In layman's terms: people see what they want to see. Delusions are biases that prevent objectivity and are primarily based on individual desires, wants, and needs. AKA: why people date against their own long term self interests and ignore red flags.
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  49. Excellent points. Greed is a classic example. No amount of money is enough. There's a theory that the mind has evolved to never be happy for any extended period of time. And the reason is to instill progress or rather perceived progress and advancement. No skyscrapers would have been built if everyone had been happy with two or one story houses. Cars and airplanes wouldn't exist if everyone had been happy with horse and buggy. The desire for infidelity is also hardwired to create more offspring or a broader variant of offspring immune systems etc. I agree though that we should know when to be satisfied and make an effort for a greater gratitude for the things we currently have.
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  50. With women you have to sell them a dream. Lies keep you together. Its totally random when it comes to attraction. You can make a million dollars, work out etc. And she could sleep with a 13 year old student she's teaching or the neighbors German Shepherd ( beastiality porn doesn't make itself) so just shrug your shoulders if some woman doesn't like you, theres one that will, regardless of how you live your life. Love Letters to serial killers proves this. You don't have to try with women. That's the secret rarely mentioned.
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