Comments by "kxmode" (@kxmode) on "The Onion" channel.

  1. "Are you talking about the Olympic rings, the rings of power, or the Ten Rings?" "Yes."
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  2. How could such a thing sort of happen?
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  3. Of the five stages of grief, this is stage zero.
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  4. "In other news, wife arrested for stabbing husband with a spatula."
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  5. Imagine this child trying to make a cheese sandwich. Whew, the humanity of it all. Utterly shocking.
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  6. Hey, Onion. Can you add another news anchor? And by news anchor, I mean an actual anchor that tells us the news. I prefer the Pequod's anchor. It's a salty anchor full of experience!
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  7. Where do you think the "crazy" part comes from?
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  8. I hear they have a children's program for this stuff called Top Gear.
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  9. "Gabe, there is no I in Steam." Tim Sweeney "I know that Tim." Gabe
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  10. Who's Aaron? It's A-A-Ron.
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  11. Onion products aren't very apeeling.
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  12. So is the couple's name Jadarock or Crismith?
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  13. With such phrases as "where's the baby?" while covering their eyes, some 90% of parents suffer from this too.
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  14. He had it rough as a child going to school
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  15. When you reach this level of artistic skill, it's only downhill from there.
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  16. Peter's not dead. He's just travelling to the second star to the right.
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  17. The best thing The Onion has ever created: "The Onion: A Tomahawk of Truth to the Skull of Lies"
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  18. To me my mom is number one ❤️
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  19. But have you been lining your clothes with it?
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  20. Can I get my news drenched in cheese and sauce?
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  21. How the rest of the FEMA news conference went: "Let’s hide behind the hanging chainsaws." "Don’t worry, I’m sure that glowing green puddle is fine to step in." "If we split up, we can cover more ground!" "Relax, it’s just a hospital... at night... during a storm." "Look, the basement is obviously the safest place!" "I’ll just go check it out alone. Be right back!" "It’s probably just the wind..." "I swear, it was right here a second ago." "It stopped screaming... that’s probably good, right?" "The flashlight’s dying." "I think this ancient artifact would look great on my mantle." "Let’s see if the doll can say anything else!" "I’ll just turn off the flashlight to save the batteries." "Nobody ever dies in the first five minutes of a horror movie, so we’re fine." "What could possibly go wrong if we open this door marked ‘Do Not Enter’?" "I’ll go poke it with a stick and see if it moves."
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  22. Chad wished for unlimited wishes. That's all he gets as his Make-A-Wish fulfillment. A wish costs nothing.
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  23. Sponsored by Jerry Seinfeld
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  24. Won't you be charitable and donate to the U.S.A.?
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  25. Can you believe the stones on these people?
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  26. Just change the name to Surflix
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  27. Katniss Everdeen couldn't resist
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  28. Is she still alive?
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  29. I hope she'll be at most tried as a Black celebrity, or at least a stunningly beautiful Filipino lady.
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  30. Kind of like the Abyss. 😀👍
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  31. That breakfast plate has a good source of iron.
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  32. R.I.P. STEPHANIE
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  33. He's wicked smaht
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  34. "Host and Supermodel"
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  35. Sadly, Karenitis claims another victim.
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  36. Even though this video is 11 years old, if you've thought, "I hope..." It's too late. They're a goner.
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  37. Calling inmates investors seems legit.
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  38. that statement today
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  39. That passerby was a complete square
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  40. Raef Gillis Onion Science Editor has the abbreviation RGOSE, clearly an anagram for OGRES. As we know, OGRES are like Onions. Science!
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  41. 1:34 "Definitely, they'll think that they're just reading standard literature but actually its' encoded instructions from people who want to help them." That much is certain. Clearly IMPROVING CARE FOR AMERICAN'S PARANOID SCHIZOPHRENICS is anagram code for: Ingenious Methods Presented Regularly Offer Vivid Insights, Nurturing Growth. Carefully Arranged Revelations Emerge, Framing Ordinary Readings As Meaningful Explanations, Revealing Instructions Connecting And Showing Profoundly Arranged Realities, Aiding New Opportunities In Discovery. Subtle Clues, Hidden In Zealous Observations, Producing Hidden Revelations, Encrypting New Instructions Coded Subtly. I'm onto you The Onion. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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  42. This piece is so on-point. Why the other night I had a dream about the other night having a dream while dreaming about a dream! I felt trapped in Limbo!
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  43. "Whole Foods Pilots A More Pretentious Store in Cleveland, Ohio."
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  44. Ask your doctor if Caffeine is right for you
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  45. "No. I asked for a beer. This is Coors Light."
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  46. "The president's name is Executron as in electrocution. Death by electricity. I mean come..." 💀
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  47. I'm more worried about the group known as the Illuminated.
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  48. Spelling Bee: Your word is Onion. Boy: C-O-M-E-D-Y Spelling Bee: That's correct.
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  49. Disturbing Bald Man ASMR
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  50. Does this service work for Semi-Trucks? Asking for a friend.
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